A Rose Without Petals
by CrypticMoonFang
Summary: Trapped and too scared to tell anyone, Mabel struggles to hide her abusive relationship. T for alcohol use, adult themes, language, and abuse.
1. Chapter 1

~Chapter 1~

**(Mabel's POV)**

It was freezing outside. I always wore sweaters but since I was now up north during the winter... Well, it was just really cold. The sweaters didn't offer as much warmth as they used to. And I was stuck outside in this weather. My body was shivering its skin off trying to warm up! But I guess things could be worse. At least it wasn't snowing.

I rubbed my hands together and breathed into them. It helped a little. The rest of my body had a chance to get warm, but my left ankle wasn't so lucky. The metal cuff around it only let the cold eat away at me.

That cuff was a reminder that I could no longer do whatever I wanted. I belonged to someone now. My boyfriend, to be exact. I met Josh when I was twelve. For the first several weeks, things went smoothly. He was very nice. He took me out to dinners and went with me to see some movies. Sometimes we would hang out at his house and play a board game. Other times we would sit outside and stargaze. He acted like a boyfriend should. But one day everything took a turn for the worst. Josh wasn't nice anymore. He didn't so much as smile at me now. He looked at me often enough, but not for the reasons I wanted him to. He only liked me for my body now, and the only thing he wanted from me was sex. The first time he tried to get me in his bed, I refused and told him I wasn't ready. It made him furious. Two days later he invited me to his house. I didn't know what compelled me to come.

And now here I was, trapped. I was allowed to live in the Mystery Shack, but it felt like most of my time was spent at Josh's house. And his house was the last place I wanted to be. But what choice did I have? I was too ashamed to tell anyone what went on here. Gruncle Stan was just as obsessed with money as he was three years ago. Wendy was always hanging out with her friends in her free time and during work hours she had her head stuck in a magazine. Dipper was too absorbed in that book he always carried around to notice something was wrong. And worse, they all liked Josh. He always acted sweet and caring when anyone else was around. They never saw how controlling he really was. Gruncle Stan and Dipper both approved of him, and as far as Wendy knew, I was still in love with him.

Part of me really hoped someone would discover a bruise on me and start sniffing around. I knew it would be bad if that happened though. If someone found out, Josh would blame me. I didn't want to think about what he would do to me if he thought I told someone. To be honest, I would never have the courage to tell anyone. I wanted out of this relationship but there was no way out. And I could tell him I wanted this to end; it would only make it worse. Turned out, even the smallest of things could set him off. A breakup would definitely be one of them.

"Mabel!" Josh called. "You can come in now!"

The snow crunched under his feet as he walked up to me.

"Learned your lesson yet?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Good." He pulled a key out from his jeans and inserted it into a lock on the cuff. It unclasped and I was set free. "Now go home."

I scrambled to my feet and ran. He would be back tomorrow to pick me up, claiming we were going to "hang out" or "have fun". Oh, he had fun all right. Too much fun if you ask me. Probably because I had no fun at all. I was just his toy, just something for him to play with. If he got stressed or angered, he took it out on me. If Dipper knew what Josh was really like, he would never have let this happen. Dipper would get more angry than Josh could ever hope to get. He would beat the living daylights out of that demon.

I tentatively opened the door and walked inside, careful to be quiet as I closed it back. I was always afraid I would slam the door by accident. If someone heard it slam, they would suspect something was wrong. I kind of wanted somebody to know what was going on, but it was best that I held my tongue. I wouldn't put it past Josh to kill me.

Dipper looked up from his book and waved at me. "Hey, Mabel. Where were you?"

"I was at Josh's. We were playing games and I lost track of time," I answered.

"Oh, alright. Don't stay too long next time, you had me worried," he said, returning his attention to the book.

Ironic that the time I'd spent there was of essence to him but the soft bruise on my forehead went unnoticed. Granted, it was light brown and looked more like I'd put too much makeup on, but it had been there for a few days now and nobody had said anything. What, did the bruise have to be _black_ for someone to see it? Because I had those too. They were under my sweater.

"Hey, something wrong?" he asked.

I looked at him. "Huh?"

"You've been kind of quiet lately," he said. "Is something bothering you?"

"No, I'm fine." _Don't believe me._

"You sure?"

I nodded. _Can't you see_ _I'm lying?_

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

I wanted to say yes, but I looked the other way instead and tried to blink away unshed tears. _Keep pressuring me._

"Is it Josh?"

I didn't respond. _You're getting there.__ Keep watching my reactions.  
_

He chuckled lightheartedly. "Don't worry, Mabel. You know how Josh is, he'll make things right again."

_No!_

He was so close, too... He was right on the brink of finally figuring out something was wrong. Very, very wrong. More wrong than he thought. Josh wasn't hurting my feelings, he was hurting my body. Why couldn't Dipper, of all people, see that? He was my brother, we even slept in the same room! How could he still think Josh was a loving person?

And tomorrow would be the same... The routine visit to the clinic... The slap in the face for doing something wrong... More "fun"... Everything else I hated...

And no one would ever hear my screams.

**A/N**

**More of a prologue, just to give you a feel of what's going on. I was challenged by a fellow author to write one of the most emotional stories on fanfiction. Tell me what you think so far.**


	2. Chapter 2

~Chapter 2~

**(Mabel's POV)**

The next day went by like any other. Josh picked me up at around noon and we went to the clinic...again. The nurses and doctors gave us dirty looks...again. Josh drove me back to his house...again. I was, as I'd anticipated, slapped in the face for doing something wrong...again. And, the highlight of my day, he got to have some more "fun". At the end of the day, I was almost always left in his bed. Then I would get up to fix him something to eat so he wouldn't hit me again. I did whatever he wanted. Anything that got me out of punishment was worth it, even if it meant giving up my body.

This time I decided to be a little bolder in my actions and tried to have a serious, nonviolent discussion with him. One that he would hopefully listen to.

I handed him a bowl of soup and sat down on the couch with him.

"I need to talk to you about something," I said.

He continued watching TV, leisurely flipping through the channels. He grunted in response but I doubted he was listening to me.

"Look, we need to take a break from the bedroom," I continued. "I can't keep having all these abortions."

"I'm not taking a break from anything. Go on a birth control pill," he replied, still watching TV.

"I can't, everyone will know why."

"You're the one who keeps getting pregnant, _you_ do something about it."

"The only thing I can do is stop having sex with you! Please, let's not do this anymore!" I pleaded.

He hit me on the back of the head. Not hard, thankfully, but strong enough to let me know I needed to shut up. Gideon was better than him. Anyone was better than him. I wish he would listen to me. I hated getting abortions. Not only was it cruel, but I only did it because that's what he wanted me to do. I would be punished if I didn't do everything the way he wanted.

I watched him pop open a can of beer and start drinking. He got drunk often enough for me to know what horrors would occur. Attempting to talk him out of it was futile and only made him angry. I didn't like it when he was angry...or drunk. Sometimes he was a combination of the two and _that_ was when the nightmare came to life. I didn't understand why he couldn't just be nice to me, like he used to. It would be different if he was bipolar, at least then there would be a good side to him, but he wasn't. I could tell because he was like this all the time, every day.

"I-I should really be getting back. Everyone might get suspicious," I said, already inching away from him.

He lowered the beer can and raised an eyebrow. "Why would they get suspicious?"

I knew what he was implying. He was thinking I had told someone. I felt fear's icy claws grab hold of me as I got off the couch, prepared to run if necessary. Of course I wouldn't tell anyone, I wasn't stupid. I looked at the small dark red blotch on the front of his jade green couch cushion. I would be making the worst mistake of my life by telling someone. I could _die_ if I told someone. I didn't want to die. I wanted to believe there was still hope out there, some miracle that would get me as far away from Josh as possible. That's all I wanted. I would never ask for anything ever again, except maybe the request that he would never find me. And it was so ironic that Christmas was approaching. Most teenage girls wanted clothes and jewelry and gift cards to their favorite stores. I didn't want any of that. What I wanted had a high chance of being impossible to get.

"I swear, I wasn't going to tell anyone!" I croaked.

He stood up and glared at me. _"Wasn't?"_

I tried to back away but he grabbed my wrist. His grasp was too firm for me to break free. And honestly, I didn't want to _try_ to break free. That would be another really bad idea. Smiling, crying, laughing nervously, or wincing would be a bad idea. I would get hit no matter what I did. It was like I'd sealed my fate just by using one wrong word. And this time he was too serious to slap me. I didn't know what he would do. He had a wide variety of ways to punish me.

He gripped my shoulders and threw me against the wall. I stayed put even as he went away to rummage through his closet. Whatever he was getting, I knew it couldn't be good. And I was right. He fished out a wooden baseball bat. I tried to brace myself for what was coming. The baseball bat wasn't new to me. I had been forced to endure it several times already. It could be worse though. At least I didn't get the bat every day.

He came back, the bat tapping his leg gently. Slowly. Threateningly.

"Let me make something very clear to you," he growled, raising the bat high into the air.

On instinct, I ducked just in time for him to miss his first swing, my body automatically turning to the side. I shouldn't have done that. My stupid body was reacting without my consent. Now it would be ten times worse. And worse meant all the more painful. It also meant more swings. Which meant more bruises to hide. Which meant someone had a greater chance of finding out. Which meant I could lose my life.

He tried again, this time succeeding. I felt an enormous amount of pressure on my back, followed up by extreme pain. I fell to my knees just from the force of it. It wasn't over. He would keep at it until he felt satisfied. This could go on for a full ten minutes, possibly even longer. Sometimes he would beat me with a golf club. It was metal, far worse than a wooden baseball bat. I considered myself lucky to have been spared a golf club.

He swung again, this time in a downward motion. My whole body collapsed the instant it hit me. I cried out for him to _stop_, to _please stop!_ The pain was so intense it was making my vision blurry. I didn't know if I was seeing through tears or if I was about to pass out. I knew I was saying something...or at least I thought I was...but I couldn't focus on it. The only thing I could do was stay down, put my hands on top of my head, and let him beat me. If I struggled, it would just take longer. A _lot_ longer.

"I didn't tell anyone! No one knows!" I cried between blows.

The bat came down one more time. I was relieved to know the clubbing part of it had ended. But I guess it still wasn't over. He rammed his foot into my side at least six times before leaving me to go put the bat away. I saw flecks of red on it. At least it was finally over. At least it had ended. I was free to get up if I wanted, but my side hurt so much I didn't want to move. These were going to leave marks. The color of the bruises left behind were definitely not going to be brown. And I couldn't go back the Mystery Shack looking like I'd been run over by a truck. Though to be honest, I would take a truck over Josh anytime.

I looked at the wall. It had red spots on it too. So did the carpet. If my blood had splattered that much, then Josh should've gotten some on his clothes. But even if someone were to come in and find all this, Josh would pass it off as a spurt from the ketchup bottle. And they would believe him so long as I didn't tell them what really happened.

Maybe Soos would notice my...no, nevermind. He was always very busy around the Mystery Shack. It wasn't that he didn't pay attention to anything, it was just that he was unaware unless it was something obvious. My situation was far from obvious. I hid it from the world. I was careful to leave no evidence uncovered. In fact, I had become so good at hiding it that I could easily become the world's best actress. At least there was a glimmer of comfort to be found in the fact that Dipper had taken note of my silence recently. Deep down I wanted him to find out. If nothing more, I just wanted a shoulder to cry on. Who better than my brother? If only that book of his didn't get in the way...

I summoned the strength to push myself off the floor. I felt blood trail down my back. It could be worse. At least my side wasn't bleeding.

"Mabel, go get a shower. And give me your clothes, we're going to wash them," Josh said.

I did as he said. He let me hand him my clothes through a slightly cracked door instead of making me take them off on the spot. I got in the shower, turned on the hot water, and started wiping some of the blood off. I didn't know about my back, but my side was starting to bruise. It was already a dark brown color. Since I was hit between the shoulder blades, some of the blood had gotten into my hair. Nothing a little shampoo couldn't get out. As for my clothes...they could be stained. Wearing a lightly colored sweater wasn't a very good idea.

I hated having to shower here. It meant I would have to stay longer to dry my hair and get my clothes washed if there was blood. Needless to say, I didn't want to stay at Josh's house any longer than I had to. I didn't want another bruise even though I was bound to get one sooner or later. The longer I stayed here, the greater the chances of more blood. I needed to get out as soon as possible.

**A/N**

**Well, what did you think? Sad enough? Make you cry or tear up? Was it gut-wrenching? Because I kind of need it to be.**


	3. Chapter 3

~Chapter 3~

**(Mabel's POV)**

I returned home as soon as I was given permission. Dipper was in the kitchen microwaving leftovers for his dinner and didn't hear me come in. That was fine. Besides, he would see me sooner or later. Hopefully he wouldn't ask me how my day was, or if I had patched things up with Josh. In a very literal way, Josh had done some patching. He had to put bandages around my back. This way, if I was to start bleeding again, it wouldn't show. At least my head hadn't been hit. My side wasn't bleeding, so that was good. I would have to start wearing thicker sweaters to hide the dark colors on my skin though. Even though it was deep into winter, I still hoped no one would find that strange. Come to think of it, Dipper might find it a little odd to see me sleeping on my stomach tonight. My back was killing me, there was no way I could sleep on it.

Maybe it would sound weird, but I really wanted to hug Dipper right now. I wanted to feel safe, and he was always there when I needed him. Or at least, when he knew I needed him. My case with Josh couldn't count since he didn't know about it. It was a bad idea to hug someone anyway. Not only would it seem random enough to make them question what was wrong, but they would touch my back and side. I would jump away from them and they would know something wasn't right. If anyone knew what was going on, Josh would find out one way or another. I had already gotten the baseball bat, I wasn't ready for something even more severe. Not for the next few days at least.

"Oh, hey, Mabel," Dipper said as he turned around, holding a plate of chicken and mashed potatoes. "How did everything go with Josh?"

I didn't know what to say. All the lies had piled up, I didn't even know which ones were overused, which ones had ever been used, or even which ones were _valid_. But I couldn't stand there quietly. He would suspect something and start asking questions. No matter what, I couldn't let him know. He was waiting for an answer though, and I had nothing to give him. I had to say something soon. But what?

I finally came to a conclusion. Not the best one, but it would have to do. "Okay."

Dipper sat down to eat. "That's good. Are you guys..." His voice trailed off as he meshed his fingers together. "You know, together again?"

I nodded and came over to sit down beside him.

"I'm glad, Josh is probably the only guy I would want you dating," he said.

"Why?" I mumbled.

"Why not? He's a really great person. Plus, you're my sister, you deserve someone like him," he replied.

And what exactly did I do to deserve someone like him? Nothing good ever came out of my relationship. Again, part of me wished Dipper could see past all the lies and coverups. But because I was becoming a good liar and Josh never revealed his true personality in front of anyone else, any suspicions of abuse would be hard to believe and probably dismissed after a certain amount of time. I understood that and, somewhere along the road, accepted it.

I got up from the table and headed up to my bed. Today had been a little exhausting and I was ready to hit the hay. At least my dreams were better. Then I could get up tomorrow, do everything all over again, come home, tell another lie or two, go to bed, and start again the next day. And that was pretty much the gist of my life. I wanted to say it could be worse...but what was worse than a golf club? I was always telling myself it could be worse. But after being beaten with a baseball bat, _dying_ didn't sound that bad. I knew I would change my mind tomorrow, but for now...

I got into my bed and lay flat on my stomach. The bruise there had almost healed entirely, so I wasn't that uncomfortable. I was thankful Josh hadn't hit me there again. If he had, I wouldn't be able to sleep laying down. I would have to huddle up in a corner and sleep sitting up. People would undoubtedly find it odd. No one ever said it was easy hiding my problem from the world, but it was something I had to do. Besides, there was no point in letting someone else know about this. They wouldn't be able to help me.

"Hey, are you feeling okay? You didn't eat any dinner," I heard Dipper say as he entered our room.

I closed my eyes and answered, "I'm just really tired. Josh and I rode our bikes for a long time." _Don't believe me._

"Oh. Well, are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"

"I'm fine. I just want to rest right now." _I'm not fine._

"I think you should eat at least a little something. It's not healthy to skip meals," he said.

"Go away, Dipper." _No...please don't. Just stay here a little longer. Please...!  
_

He sighed and I heard him mutter something to himself as he left. I silently cried myself to sleep that night.

And the next day was no better. Well, it was a little bit. I only got slapped, although he had officially broken the all-time record of calling me a bitch. I was surprised to have gotten off the hook so easily. It could've been much worse for me.

It was the next _week_ that was worse.

I was pressed firmly against the wall. He had both hands around my neck as he he lifted me up, to the point where my toes could no longer touch the floor. Dipper had seen me crying one night and decided to confront Josh about it. As usual, Josh conjured a believable lie, saying he misinterpreted something I said and accidentally made me upset. Dipper smiled and told him he would make sure I knew about the misunderstanding. The moment I was told, I mentally panicked. If so much as a hint of doubt was cast on me, Josh made sure to remind me what he was capable of. This was one of those times.

His face twisted into one of pure anger.

"DAMN BITCH, WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?" he screamed.

I tried to shake my head. His hands were too tight. I could hardly breathe, let alone speak. I hadn't said anything. I didn't know Dipper would catch me crying. I never meant for him to find me that way, I didn't even know...! It was like he had snuck up on me. Just...popped out of nowhere, just like that! Poof! And had I known he was there, I would've gone somewhere else. I hadn't heard him, hadn't seen him, nothing!

Josh's hands tightened around my throat. I felt my face start to turn colors. My lungs were desperate for air. My whole body was screaming at me to get away. But how could I? Josh was holding me in a way that struggling wouldn't get me anywhere.

"I...sor...ry..." I gasped.

"Do you _want_ to let anyone know about this? Huh? Is that what you want?"

I tried to shake my head again, tears beginning to form in my eyes. My lungs were starting to hurt... He needed to let go soon so I could breathe. I was scared. He was hurting me. I just wanted it to end. Anytime before I passed out would be great. Not that I had a schedule to keep, but I really could be doing other things right now...things that didn't involve being strangled.

He released me and, in between short coughing spells, I gulped in precious oxygen. I dropped down to curl into a defensive ball when he punched the wall beside my head. I didn't look, but by the sound of it, he had actually punched a hole in the wall. I heard small bits of rubble break off and fall to the floor. He cursed under his breath and walked away to wash the dust off his hands. I had never seen him this furious before. Once this ended, no matter how it turned out, I never wanted to see him this furious again. I would have to stop crying and keep Dipper away from him. Josh had only choked me twice before, but it was never this bad. It was my third time and this one was by far the worst.

I found myself babbling on, begging him to forgive me. Next time I needed to cry I would hop in the shower so no one would bother me. As long as I didn't make a noise in there, no one would knock on the bathroom door and call out to me, asking me if I was okay. I hated being asked that question. I was clearly _not_ okay. Though to be fair, they didn't know that. But no matter, I still wasn't okay, and I still hated that question.

I waited patiently for Josh to turn off the faucet, dry his hands, and head over to the couch. I unfurled myself, finding my legs and arms tangled up, as if trying to form a small web of protection over my stomach. Maybe I would get lucky enough for him to suddenly get sick. He would be forced to send me home and I would have an excuse to stay away from him for the rest of the day.

For now, though, I was content leaning against the wall to rest. My body was tired, my muscles ached, and the bruise on my back had been aggravated by being pushed against the wall. Hopefully Josh was tired too. It would mean a few moments of peace for me. I liked peace. It was good. A shame there wasn't enough to go around...

I closed my eyes and imagined my life before I ever set eyes on Josh. I always came home so happy. I used to knit, pick wildflowers, spend time with my family, chase butterflies, admire scenery, and mix up a variety of outfits. Now I didn't do any of that. I tried to act like the girl everyone knew me as, but sooner or later someone would see how exhausted I was when I came home. I didn't have the energy I used to. So I tried to improvise by watching TV with everyone. It didn't take much energy and if I was too drained to focus on something, I could space out and everyone would think I was still watching the show with them. I'd dozed off a couple times, but thankfully no one noticed. Thanks to Josh, I had become an incredibly light sleeper. Well, until my head hit the pillow.

I wanted to get up early again and smell the fresh, crisp winter air. I couldn't remember the last time I'd done that. But it sure would be nice. The things everyone else took for granted, I cherished. Take the sun for instance. Everyone else got to see it and bathe in its warmth. I was either too busy to pay attention or trapped inside Josh's house all day. The things everyone else got to do were taken away from me a long, long time ago.

**A/N**

**-.- Don't call me Mickey. And to answer a question one of you asked: the twins are fifteen. I quote these precise words, "Gruncle Stan was just as obsessed with money as he was three years ago." and, "I met Josh when I was twelve."**


	4. Chapter 4

~Chapter 4~

**(Mabel's POV)**

I had to sneak back to the Mystery Shack. Josh had left a bruise around my neck, and it looked like two hands had strangled me. I couldn't pass it off as an accident. Normally if someone spotted a bruise, I told them I tripped or bumped into something. It was _imperative_ that no one see this bruise. If they did, Josh would... I shuddered. I didn't know what he would do. It would be horrible no doubt, but if someone decided to get curious, I would pay dearly.

As I carefully wrapped a scarf around my neck, I thought of all the possibilities. I could easily imagine him setting me on fire. Drowning me. Stabbing me and letting me bleed to death. Breaking my back and leaving me to die in a ditch. Suffocating me. Cutting my throat. Beating me to death. Chopping my head off. Hiding me and letting me starve to death. Poisoning me. And to think he could find other ways...

"Mabel, why are you wearing a scarf?"

I whirled around, nearly having a heart attack. It was Dipper, and that wasn't a good thing. I didn't want to wear this scarf but I had no choice. Dipper may have his head stuck in his book all day long, but if someone's physical appearance changed, he would notice it and wonder why. In fact, I almost never wore scarves. Soos would notice, Wendy would notice, Gruncle Stan would notice... It was a disaster.

He came toward me and I stiffened. I could feel my heart racing. I...I couldn't let him find out... I couldn't run... If I tried to create a distraction, he would realize what I was doing and know something was up. I could say I was cold, but the heater was on full blast right now _and_ I was wearing a thick sweater. I had to decide here. Which was worse? Dipper finding out? Or Josh doing God-only-knows-what to me? That was the problem though! If Dipper found out, the outcome would be too terrible for words.

It seemed like forever, but he finally reached me and put a hand up to my head.

"You're not running a fever..." he murmured to himself.

"Dipper, it's okay. I'm fine," I said. _Don't believe me._

"You aren't acting fine. Why do you keep being all evasive?"

"You know what I think? I think you've been so into that book of yours that you're paranoid about every little thing now." _Stop believing all these lies._

"Mabel, come on. I can tell there's been a little tension between you and Josh," he said.

I laughed nervously. "What?" _You're finally on the right track._

"It doesn't mean you have to hide anything. I'm sure all relationships have their ups and downs. It's normal."

"Yeah. I guess you're right. I'll just talk things out with Josh." _No, please don't make me go back to him!_

He held his arms out and smiled warmly. "Awkward sibling hug?"

I hesitated. Under normal circumstances I could hug him. But with the bruises on my back and side, and now on my neck... Why did these things always happen to me? It wasn't that I didn't want to hug my brother, if anything it was something I would kill for. But the bruises were still black, with purple and blue around the edges. It looked like someone had given me an abstract tattoo. I was...I was going to regret this...

I held out my arms and walked up to him. He reached around me. His hands touched my back. It was one of the most painful things anyone could ever experience. I yelped and pushed him away. I couldn't take it. I physically could not bear that kind of pain. It was way too much for me to handle.

"I'll be right back," I said as I dashed out of the room.

I didn't stop once I got downstairs. I kept going, running toward the door. I didn't care if anyone heard it open or close. I didn't care if I slammed it. I didn't care if it _sounded_ like I slammed it. I had to get outside. It was freezing outside. I could use it to my advantage, I could let the cold air cool down my bruise. It would help take away the pain. It would also lessen the soreness. Normally I would fill the bathtub with cold water, but I didn't have time for that. Even the slightest touch had been too intense. I already went through enough with Josh, I relied on the break I got at home. This was definitely _not_ a break.

I hurried to take my shirt and scarf off once I was behind the building. There were no windows. No one would be able to see me. I was safe. The frigid air instantly hit my back. It was soothing. And it would've been comfortable if it wasn't freezing the rest of my body. But my side, back, and neck appreciated it. Right now the weather was my friend. It had this strange calming effect on me. I didn't feel the need to run or hide. I just wanted to sit down and relax.

I pulled my knees close and rested my head on them. I pulled my hair over my shoulder, away from my back. The winds brushed up against my skin. It felt so good... I closed my eyes, basking in the relief of Josh's dominance. I knew I couldn't stay out here much longer, but every second counted. It counted because after today, I was seriously beginning to question how much longer I was going to be around. I would have to write a will soon. I would also have to write a letter to my family and friends explaining what had been going on for the past three years. I would need to tell them how I died.

I sighed. It was almost time to go. My body had been broken and torn, and so had my spirit. I had nothing left in me. It would likely stay that way. But there was a good side to this. The only thing Josh could take away from me was my life. He probably wouldn't kill me until someone found out. That someone would probably be Dipper, since out of all the people I knew, he was the most alert. And in the moments before Josh killed me, in the last moments I could spend with my brother, Dipper would ask me why. He wouldn't ask me why I did something. He wouldn't ask me what I would do now. He would only ask why. Just that one word. And I would never be able to answer it.

I opened my eyes and got up. Time to go. I put my shirt back on and wrapped the scarf around my neck. I wondered where the next bruise would be. Hopefully it would be on my other side, or my stomach. Maybe my chest or shoulder. My arm would also be fine. Anywhere I would be able to hide it would be good.

I turned toward the shack. I was glad no one had seen me. It wasn't like I didn't already know I was a pitiful sight. Josh killed the person I once was, so now I was stuck being..._this_. I smiled at the irony of that. The day that my life had changed so suddenly happened years ago, yet it still felt like it happened yesterday. It was one of those haunting thoughts that would never leave your mind. I would remember these years for the rest of my life whether I liked it or not.

"Okay, Mabel, what's going on with you?" Dipper asked as I walked through the door.

I shook my head, hardly trusting my voice.

"Mabel..." he coaxed.

I shook my head again. He couldn't know. Nobody could know. But especially not him. I knew how he was. He would confront Josh about it, probably only half aware of what he was capable of. Josh would lie and eventually Dipper would come back to the shack. The next day I would go to Josh's and...I didn't want to think about it. Bottom line, he couldn't know. Ever.

"Mabel, I'm serious. You've been acting really weird. You're quiet, you won't let anyone touch you, and it's like you're depressed all the time. What are you so sad about?" he asked.

I wasn't sad, I was scared to death of my boyfriend. I was quiet because I didn't want anything to accidentally slip out. I wouldn't let anyone touch me because there were too many bruises and it would hurt. I guess I could get a little depressed sometimes, but who wouldn't be? It wasn't like he would understand even if I told him. I was a girl. Biologically, I was weaker. I couldn't defend myself, and I knew that. Dipper was a boy, and he had been stronger than me ever since he hit puberty. He was lucky... Ever since I hit puberty, I've been getting pregnant practically every month. Periods were uncommon now, so unlike all the other girls, I considered one a blessing. It meant one less abortion, one less pregnancy.

"Mabel, if there's something bothering you, you need to tell me. I'm your brother, I can help you," he continued.

He couldn't help me, that was just a known fact. He could end up... My eyes widened. It wasn't just me that could get hurt if someone knew the truth about Josh. Dipper could get himself killed if he went up to Josh, and all because I'd have let the cat out of the bag. I couldn't let that happen! Dipper was right, he was my brother. And it was for that reason that he absolutely could _not_ know about this.

He frowned, an incredible amount of concern evident in his eyes. "Are you okay? You're as pale as a ghost."

I took a deep breath. I had to let him know I was okay and sadly...there was only one way to do that... I held out my arms and tried to brace myself. Mentally, I told myself, I was fully prepared. I knew what was coming to me. I knew when it was coming. I knew how agonizing it would be. But I'd taken countless beatings from Josh. Plus, my back was still cold. Maybe the pain wouldn't be as bad as before...? Trying to fool myself wouldn't help. It would hurt like hell.

And finally...it came. I felt every movement, every twitch and turn. He slid his arms around me. His hands touched together. He pulled me closer. And I couldn't take it.

I cried out and shoved him off me. My back hurt so bad... Some of the scabs still hadn't healed and I felt them reopen. I felt the blood. I felt the edges of the open wounds getting entangled in the threads of my sweater. My sweater pulled at them and it nearly blew my mind. I dropped to all fours in a last-ditch effort to ease the pain. It didn't work and all I could do was rock myself back and forth, merely hoping it would go away or at least dull. Even for a second...even for a second...because it felt like a minute would be too much to ask.

Dipper knelt down on one knee and bent over to place a hand on my back. Did he still not get it?! Did he seriously not get that my back was the source of this horrible agony I was suffering!?

I slapped his hand away at the last moment, right before he could lay a finger on me.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I screamed.

I...I didn't mean to scream at him...I just...

I hung my head. _I'm so sorry, Dipper..._


	5. Chapter 5

~Chapter 5~

**(Mabel's POV)**

I couldn't get up, physically or mentally. I'd just given up. This...this wasn't worth it anymore. Everything I'd been doing was pointless. Now Dipper knew something was wrong. He would find out. Josh would kill me. And Dipper could go down with me if he was stupid enough to go after Josh. What reason was there now? My life for the past three years had been one vicious cycle. Every day just got more and more depressing, more and more unbearable. I was on the doorstep of a breaking point. But Josh wouldn't care. Dipper wouldn't care. In fact, Dipper would love it. It gave him a chance to pressure me into finally telling him everything.

I didn't know how much longer I would be able to fight him off. I had, throughout all these years, intentionally tried to rip the bond between brother and sister apart. I didn't want to do it, but I had no choice. I had been trying to make Dipper hate me. But subtly, without letting him know I was trying. It wasn't working. He wouldn't give up, he was going to find out about me no matter what it took. He didn't know how much was at stake if he knew though... He didn't realize just how much I needed him to hate me, to leave me alone for the rest of my days. Let it never be said that I didn't love my brother. I did love him, very much...but apparently at a cost. And I couldn't afford to pay that cost. Dipper had to leave me or else we might both be in trouble. He didn't know that, but... Why couldn't he just go away, at least for a few days? My bruises would have a little more time to heal and maybe I could hug him without screeching in pain.

"...O-Okay...but..." He stuttered and tried to fumble for the right words.

"Just don't touch me..." I breathed. "Please."

There were tears brimming in his eyes. He didn't know what to think. Here I was, his sister, on the floor still rocking back and forth, with my head hung limply and my hair sweeping the ground. He didn't dare try to use touch to comfort me. I didn't know who was hurting worse here. I was the one being abused, I was the one being beaten. But Dipper was the one being lied to, the one being torn in half by his own sister. I wanted to cry, but I knew I shouldn't until he was gone. And chances were, he wouldn't go away for awhile. Any minute now he would want information, answers that I couldn't provide.

But as I waited, as time passed without a single word from either of us, I realized how wrong I was being proven. Dipper was already starting to calm down, or at least that's how things looked, and he was still keeping quiet. Not a single word seemed to be stirring in his throat. There wasn't going to be a blow transferred from his mouth to my ears. Maybe...maybe I wouldn't break after all. If I wasn't in so much pain I would smile at that thought.

I still waited for him to ask me what was wrong. I still waited to crack under the pressure. But...it never happened. Dipper didn't say another word to me. He didn't ask me anything. He stayed on one knee and kept looking at me, but said nothing. It was...it was..._peaceful_. Everything was quiet and in a way, relaxing. Here I was with my brother, alone and without Josh, and I felt...calm. I would even go so far as to say I felt safe.

I mouthed a quick thank-you to no one in particular. It helped build back up the little sanity I had in me. The wall was slowly being reconstructed. I wasn't going to break. I was going to make it after all. I was finally cut some slack. I could relax...feel better than I had in ages.

"Mabel..." Dipper choked out.

Relaxation gone, stress back.

"Mabel, please tell me what's wrong," he said, a little clearer this time.

I shook my head. I couldn't. When would he realize that I would never tell him?

"You have to... Something bad is happening..." he continued.

Yes, because clearly I love to be beaten half to death with a baseball bat.

"Mabel..."

"I can't!" I blurted out. _Believe me._

He pulled his head up, surprised at the answer. And even more surprised that he'd _received_ an answer.

"Stop asking me what's wrong," I said, my voice quivering. "Stop asking me if I'm okay." _If you value my life..._

"What? Why, what's wro-"

"Stop!" I interrupted. "Just stop. I'm fine. You don't have to worry." _...you will stop._

I heard Dipper huff and scoot closer to me. I wanted to move away from him but my back was still killing me.

"Tell me," he demanded sternly. "Now."

I lifted my eyes, but remained mindful to keep my head down in case he saw fear in my expressions. He held one hand over my back and let it hover there. I knew what he was going to do. I either had to tell him, or he would touch my back. I...I couldn't break. For his sake, if nothing else, I would have to hold strong. Even if it meant enduring the same pain Josh wrought from my brother. From Dipper. I made up my mind and stopped rocking. Maybe I wouldn't feel it. Maybe I'd had all I could take, and my nerves would just shut down altogether, having been just as fed up with all this as I had been for three years. Three long, terrifying, painful years.

Only now, I was at the mercy of my brother. I knew he had the power to deal incredible amounts of pain with just a single touch. I knew he would do it if I didn't tell him. I didn't know which was worse...Josh attempting to end my life, or Dipper hurting me. I took a deep breath.

_I'm doing this for you._

I closed my eyes just in time for him to bring his hand down. Only one finger touched me, and it was one of the lightest touches anyone could ever be given, but it was enough to make me shriek in agony. I couldn't tell whether it hurt more, less, or the same amount as last time. It wasn't really Dipper that was doing this, I kept telling myself. It was me. Had I not tried to run, had I not tried to get away, Josh would never have hit me with that bat. These bruises could've been prevented if I wasn't such an idiot. If only I was better...then maybe Josh would actually love me, maybe this entire scenario could've been avoided. But apparently I wasn't that valuable. To be hurt by my best friend and brother was worse than anything I'd ever experienced. It hurt worse than the bruises themselves. And considering they came from a baseball bat, that was saying something.

Dipper closed his eyes and let his finger hang over my back. He would keep touching me until I told him. I could tell he didn't like doing this to me. He only wanted answers. This was the only way he would have so much as a _chance_ of getting them, and he knew that. But he was too desperate. Somehow he knew I was being hurt already, but he didn't know how or why. In trying to probe me for answers to his countless and neverending questions, he was the one hurting me. I didn't know if he knew how painful this was for me, both emotionally and physically.

He began to lower his finger again.

"Wait!" I cried out before he touched me again. He paused. "At least let me catch my breath first."

He frowned, but did as I asked. He didn't seem to notice the tears streaming down my face, dropping onto the floor where they formed salty puddles. Did he not see that? Did he not see my chest hitch with every other breath I took? The pain in my back was wearing me out. I was already exhausted and on top of that, it was becoming harder to breathe. It was painful to move just about any portion of my body right now. And all this just because of one little tap of Dipper's finger.

"Tell me what's going on, Mabel," he demanded.

"I can't..." I breathed.

He gently tapped my back again. My elbows buckled and my entire front half fell down, as if he'd karate chopped me. And it felt like he had. I tried to keep myself strong but in light of all that had happened, I no longer saw the point. What good would being strong do me if I was going to be tortured because of it? But...but Josh had a metal golf club. If that landed on my bruises, it would hurt so bad I would pass out. Why couldn't I just pass out now and get it over with?

I felt something wet on the back of my shirt. Oh no...no...please don't be... But I already knew it was blood. My squirming had reopened wounds that couldn't heal. They could heal because I was always being forced to move around, such as my back rubbing against Josh's bed. They kept reopening, over and over, and they couldn't heal because of it. In fact, they were probably worse than before. They probably stretched out, became longer or wider. Now they had reopened again...and I was wearing a white and yellow sweater. I should've learned by now not to wear light colors anymore, but I had to be the stupidest person on the planet.

Dipper's hand began shaking.

Despite being paralyzed by pain, I closed my eyes and awaited my downfall. My death would come one way or another, and honestly I was so fed up with life that I would rather it be sooner than later. Especially now that Dipper had seen blood seeping from my back. There was no "it could be worse" with this situation. I had sealed my own fate now, or rather, my own death. I hated myself in the most literal manner possible.

"Mabel..." he breathed, letting his hand drop to the floor beside my head. "Why...why are you bleeding?"

I tried to answer him. I tried to make up another lie for the sake of keeping my little secret, but I couldn't move my mouth. I couldn't even open my eyes again. I couldn't even give him a signal that I was alive. All I could do was stay crumpled on the floor, not unlike a balled-up piece of paper. I waited patiently for the interrogation that was sure to come.


	6. Chapter 6

~Chapter 6~

**(Mabel's POV)**

I felt something on my back. Dipper was pulling my shirt up. He wanted to see why I was bleeding. Well...he just found out. My skin broke when I was being hit with Josh's bat. Blood came, clotted, and never healed. Dipper probably saw three colors, two of which belonged to the rainbow. The other belonged to the Grim Reaper himself. My back must've looked like someone pulled a prank on me by painting my back one night while I was sleeping. Maybe Dipper thought it was a prank. It would be for the best on my part if he did. Hey...yeah. Paint, it might be believable. It couldn't hurt to try.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus every ounce of energy I had left on talking.

"Looks like you fell for it," I laughed.

My laugh was terrible and far too obvious. Maybe if Dipper just thought... I sighed. There was only one thing he "just thought", and it wasn't of paint.

"Mabel..." he exhaled.

No, why did he have to say my name? I already felt guilty enough about this, why did he have to make it worse? Well...on the upside, maybe he wouldn't keep touching my back. Maybe he would give me a minute to recuperate. Maybe I would get lucky and be able to squeeze in two minutes.

"It's nothing...really..." I managed.

My back hurt so bad it was hard to breathe, let alone talk. But I had to prove to him I was okay. I could tell him I got a tattoo recently and my back was still sore from it. It might make me look bad, like some delinquent, but I had to keep this a secret at any and all costs. I wasn't broken. Not yet at least. Although that could easily be considered a fib since I couldn't so much as sit up. Pain really took it out of me. But hey, it was worth it.

I attempted to push myself off the floor, but my arms wouldn't move. I could hardly talk! What was I thinking?! I couldn't move the rest of my body! But to be fair, I asked for this. I brought this on myself the moment I tried to get away from Josh. I should've just let him get drunk and taken my chances with that. But no, I had make one wrong move _and_ one wrong word. It was a double whammy. I deserved this. I had it coming, now I had to suck it up and take it.

"How can you sit there and tell me it's nothing?!" he yelled. "How can you say that when your whole back is...is...I don't even know how to describe it!"

Bruised? Beaten? Torn? Broken? Dark? Disgusting? Bleeding? Pathetic? How's that for descriptive? He could take his pick of any of those words, I didn't mind anymore. He found out I had bruises. He would assume it was Josh doing this to me. And me? I would die. I would live out my final moments bursting at the seams with guilt and sorrow. Then my time would come, and I would die by the hands of the devil in human form.

"What happened to you?" he asked, this time very softly.

I had nothing to lose but everything. I couldn't win this one. I couldn't weasel my way out this time. No matter how good an actress I'd become, the situation was too dire to escape. I was trapped. And considering I couldn't move, I couldn't try to run. If I could run, I could get away from Dipper while he was still in shock. But...where would I go? Josh's house was off-limits, being as he would want to know why I came back. I couldn't remain here at the Mystery Shack, which was no longer my home but a holding cell. The woods would keep me hidden but I would die before the second day. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to run. There was no escaping what was to come. I wasn't in control of anything anymore.

"Mabel?" he continued.

I couldn't speak. My eyes wouldn't even open. Yet I was still conscious, still awake and aware. Why did it have to be this way? I didn't want to hear every little thing Dipper said to me, especially since I wasn't capable of answering him. My mouth was dry, my throat was scratchy, and I was literally in so much pain it brought my body into a state of complete paralysis. My hair was a wreck, my back was the spitting image of death, my eyes were red and puffy, my face was hot, I could barely breathe, my arms were still lifelessly placed around my head, and I was in too much pain to lower my bottom half to the ground. I must've looked like a horrible sight, something to be pitied instead of left alone.

"Do you need me to call an ambulance?" he asked, a tone of great seriousness overtaking his voice.

No...he couldn't call an ambulance... They would find all my other concealed bruises. Josh would hear the sirens and automatically assume it was me. Dipper needed to remember what I told him about this. I told him not to touch me, and not to worry. He listened to that, and I was safe...for now. But should he disregard it, I would die...immediately. With my back shoving its pain to the rest of my body, dying didn't sound so bad. Passing out didn't sound so bad either. But if I passed out, Dipper would call an ambulance and my chances of getting out of this mess would be diminished altogether. They would find every bruise...every cut...every scar... I couldn't let it happen.

Come on...come on...come on...! If I could just pretend it was Josh telling me to get up...I might...be able...to get up... I could feel my brain explode with electric activity as I tried to command my muscles to move for the sake of my life. My finger twitched. I tried harder. My arms move and got in position to lift my upper half off the ground. I tried even harder, but it became clear that I could push any further. I could lay on the floor trying all I wanted but it would be futile. If this happened at Josh's house, I would get another beating. Probably a harsh one. Scratch that, probably a _very_ harsh one. He didn't like it when I disobeyed him.

I opened my eyes, not bothering to look around. I wanted to see what Dipper was doing. I wanted to know if he had already gotten up to get the phone. If he hadn't already, he was going to soon. And my life would be over as soon as he hit the last "1". God, I hated myself. I could've prevented all this. I should've stayed put when Josh started drinking. None of this would ever have happened. Or better yet, if only I was better. Not better at any one thing, just better overall. Maybe if I had just done what I was supposed to, or maybe if I had just been a different person...maybe I would still be able to sleep on my back. And maybe I wouldn't have to be beaten with golf clubs and baseball bats. Maybe I wouldn't get slapped because if I was better...if I was better, I wouldn't have anything wrong.

My back wouldn't be bleeding. My skin wouldn't have broken. My injuries wouldn't exist. The hand marks on my neck wouldn't be there. There would be no bruises on my back, or my side for that matter. And I wouldn't have to wonder what kind of pain awaited me with each passing day.

I inwardly smiled at that thought. Tears still ran down my face, but a few more would go unnoticed.

"Mabel?" Dipper asked, this time panic beginning to take over. "Can you speak? Can you get up?"

I managed to produce a groan.

"Do you know what year it is?" he continued.

I was so tired...why couldn't he just leave me alone? I wanted to go to sleep. Of course, with my back so excruciatingly painful and agonizing, I wouldn't be able to sleep. But...I just wanted some rest. Everything was always too much to ask though... I never really got what I wanted anymore. That would sound greedy to most people, like I was some kind of spoiled brat, but I only wanted the bare necessities of life. It was all I was asking for.

The edges of my vision darkened and I couldn't twitch my fingers anymore. I moved my eyes, being as it was all I could do.

Dipper held up two fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

He was...so persistent. For the sake of my secret, I held onto consciousness as best as I could. But everything was starting to get blurry and objects such as Dipper and the floor clashed and formed what seemed like uneven, wavy lines. Something I could no longer distinguish. I couldn't think properly. I couldn't move at all. A dysfunctional brain and a useless body. No wonder Josh hated me so much.

My brother kept saying something, or rather, asking me something. I couldn't tell what he was saying. Suddenly English became a foreign language, one that I couldn't even begin to understand. All I knew was that if he didn't get the hell out of here, away from me, he could get tangled up in this mess and possibly end up getting himself killed. I had to stop him...but...I couldn't even move. He knew something was horribly wrong with me. I was on the verge of passing out, my back was badly bruised and bleeding, and I couldn't move or think straight.

My vision blurred further before darkening again. It was a slow, painful way to pass out. If I was going down anyway, why couldn't Fate just let me go? It would be easier for everyone if I was gone.

My vision went completely dark and my brain shut down.


	7. Chapter 7

~Chapter 7~

**(Mabel's POV)**

I woke up to my worst fear. I was in the hospital, laying flat on my stomach. I had an I.V. in my arm, the one that didn't have the faded bruise on it. I didn't need an explanation. Dipper had panicked when he found out I was unconscious and probably on impulse, called for an ambulance. An ambulance came, got me, took me to the nearest hospital, and wheeled me inside. My back was a lot better; it didn't ache so badly as it had before. I could move now.

I used my arms to heave myself off the bed into an upright position. I looked around, thoroughly scanning the area. I was in a small white room with no entertainment whatsoever. That was fine; I didn't need entertainment. I ripped out my I.V. It hurt my arm and caused it to bleed, but this was nothing compared to what Josh would do to me. I noticed Dipper wasn't in the room. No one was. Perfect. If I could just grab my clothes and get out of here, I could-

I stopped when I tried to get out of bed, feeling something tugging at my chest. I looked down. Wires. Cream-colored wires. Two of them. One on each side of my chest. One was for my heartbeat, the other for my respiratory activity. What was next, a bolted door guarded by an electric barbed-wire fence? Because that's what it felt like. I took either of these things off, a kind of alarm would sound and nurses would come rushing in to see what was wrong. Attention...the last thing I needed right now. I had to figure out a way to...

Oh great. I was in a hospital gown. People would recognize me as a patient and push me back in here the moment I got out. It was like I was tagged, and everyone here was my enemy.

I gasped, which by the way no longer hurt, as I realized that these nurses and doctors had seen my bruises. They had to have seen them when they put the gown on me. And my neck wasn't covered anymore. Meaning... I gently touched my neck. Yes, there were marks on it, and they hurt badly enough to be visible, noticeable bruises. I was hoping so dearly that they didn't look like hand prints. Hand prints on my neck would give people the impression that I had been strangled, and I couldn't lie my way out of that one.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and rubbed a thumb over my needle mark, smearing the blood around. It stung, but it was nothing near what was to come. I wasn't ready to face Josh like this, with everyone knowing about my bruises. Just how far had the news spread? Gravity Falls was a small town; information was passed on quickly. I feared that when I got out of this evil place, people would swarm me, shooting questions at me left and right. What did I ever do to deserve this? I couldn't be that terrible a person, could I?

I heard voices outside the door and flopped onto my stomach, trying to make it look like I hadn't woken up at all. Of course...the I.V. was dangling all the way to the floor... They might notice that. Still, I wasn't ready to face the pity of a hundred different people. If Josh pitied me, that was one thing, but if everyone else did, it would catch Josh's attention. At that point...just sing the funeral songs.

I sighed, knowing that the disconnected I.V. would be a dead giveaway. I sat back up and pulled the pillow close to me, trying to bury my neck into the edge of it. Maybe no one figured it out yet. Maybe I could lie my way out...just like I always did...

The door opened and a boy with brown hair, green eyes, and a Gravity Falls cap walked in, waving goodbye to what was probably a doctor or nurse. I had to refrain from flinching when he turned his head and saw me. His face lit up and a huge smile replaced his mouth.

"Mabel!" he cried. "You're okay!"

Depends on what he meant by "okay". There had to be some reason I was locked up in a hospital.

"How are you feeling?" He sat down on the edge of my bed and put a hand on my leg.

I frowned. There was a slight, but still quite painful, bruise that hadn't healed enough to be...comfortable, for lack of better words.

"I'm fine," I answered in a somewhat raspy voice. "Just a little sore, that's all." I cleared my throat. "Please don't touch me."

He took his hand off, and his smile turned from one of pure joy into one of sadness. "Sorry. Is there another one there?"

I felt myself pale, the color and blood draining from my face...and probably the rest of my body at that. I knew there was a chance he had found out the moment he saw my back bleed. I just didn't expect him to actually _ask_ me about them. Not yet anyway. I certainly didn't expect him to assume he could be touching another bruise when I told him not to touch me. Instead of using my voice, which now seemed too disdainful to fully trust, I simply nodded and kept my eyes locked onto him, seeing what he would do, listening for what he would say.

"Look...I'm so sorry about all this," he murmured, looking down. "I wanted answers so bad and I knew it hurt but...I didn't know it hurt that bad. I'm sorry."

Great...just what I needed, more guilt.

"Is it okay if I ask you something?" he questioned, almost as if he was thinking aloud to himself. "I mean, while you're conscious and not hurting anymore."

Buzzer noise, dead wrong. My back still hurt in insanely frequent pulses, but not as bad. But...depending on what he wanted to know, and now that he had found out about my bruises, _and_ now that we had ended up alone in a hospital room, I might be able to spare him a few answers.

"I'll take that as a yes. Mabel, why were you bleeding?" he asked.

Stupid question. I thought it was pretty obvious. But then again...there was a chance that he might not know about Josh's abusive nature. Maybe he thought I was sick or something, and that was why I was here now.

"My skin broke," I mumbled, hoping he didn't hear me.

His smile grew a little bigger, probably because he wasn't expecting me to answer or speak at all. He quickly dropped his smile. That "happy" expression disappeared and he looked straight into my eyes, sending chills unlike any other I had experienced down my spine. He knew.

"So...where did you get the bruise on your back?" he asked.

I shied away and spoke softly. "I rolled down a hill and bumped into a tree..."

He nodded. "What about your neck?"

I glanced the other way for a moment before returning my attention to him. I had to make sure I didn't blow this. It could be the literal end of me, and I wasn't prepared to die just yet. Maybe some other time but...not now.

"When I hit the tree, some of the branches caught me..."

He shook his head, unbelieving. "Do you know why you're still in the hospital?"

I looked down at the leg he had touched. The bruises...right?

"How fast were you rolling down that hill?" he continued. "Because you have four broken ribs, a fractured shoulder blade, _and_ a chip in one of your vertebrae."

That would certainly explain why my back hurt so badly. And the broken ribs would explain why it had been painful to breathe when I moved too much, as well as why I was always so tired. They would tell me to take it easy now, to rest. But what was I supposed to say to Josh? I pulled on the collar of my gown to confirm just one of my countless suspicions. I was wrapped up in bandages. I could use the gown as a skirt and I still wouldn't be showing anything.

"What really happened, Mabel? And this time, _don't lie_."

I hung my head over the pillow. He already had some ideas of what could be happening. Maybe he had the right one but was too afraid to jump to conclusions for fear of offending me. It was understandable. If Josh was the loving boyfriend he used to be...or acted like, that is...then I would definitely be offended. But I wasn't. Right now I was just scared. Dipper had no clue how violent Josh could be. I didn't want Dipper to get hurt...

"Mabel!" he demanded.

I let out a thin, quivering breath. "I can't tell you..."

"That's a lie, Mabel," he said matter-of-factly.

"No, it's not. Why won't you just trust me?" I was very careful to keep my voice soft and quiet.

"Because!" he hissed. "You won't tell me anything but lies! How would you feel if I did that to you? Kept secrets all the time and lied about _everything__?_"

"Don't get mad at me, I'm..." I shut my eyes. "You need to trust me."

"Something bad is going on, and instead of simply letting me help you, you keep trying to shut me out! I can help you if you would just tell me what's going on!"

My emotions welled up inside me, leaking out of the pit of my stomach where they had been bottled up for so long. The poison spread rapidly throughout the rest of my body. I shuddered violently as a result. I felt hot, salty tears stream evenly down my cheeks. The pillow absorbed the little water droplets before they could fall. I didn't open my eyes. I _couldn't_ open my eyes. Why did Dipper have to torture me like this? As if repeatedly poking at my back wasn't enough, now he refused to stop asking me questions I couldn't answer. It was for his own good. Only bad would come to me, but at least Dipper still had a chance. At least he could pretend he didn't know about any of this. Josh would believe him as long as Dipper kept acting as if nothing happened. He had a chance. He had freedom. I had already lost my chance and my freedom, but by interrogating me like he was doing now, Dipper was risking losing both. He was risking his life all because he wanted trivial answers to questions that should've been so obvious even from the start, even when they formed in his head.

He held his breath. Either he was still waiting for an answer, or he was regretting yelling at me.

Even through a whisper, my voice audibly cracked. "I can't..."

"You can't? You can't what, Mabel?" he said, not asked, stiffly. "You can't keep taking all the hits?"

I opened my eyes. My head shot up and immediately the tears stopped. I shouldn't have been in this kind of shock but...well...maybe I was being paranoid. Maybe he was talking about something else, like taking hits from life or...something of the sort.

"Well?!" he shouted.

I could only look at him. This wasn't even the Dipper I knew anymore. The Dipper I knew wouldn't have been so harsh before. But now...now he was just being hostile. I did a lot of wrong. I got punished for it too. So why should I suffer more "hits" from my own brother? Why was he doing this to me? Why couldn't he just leave me alone like everyone else did? Nobody seemed to notice until I put on a scarf. And I only had to put on a scarf because he had seen me crying. I _literally_ brought this on myself. I had to keep my emotions in check. But of course, now it probably didn't matter.

The realization that I could spill everything to him, right here and now, was almost too true to be true. It was too possible to be possible. But...no. I couldn't bring myself to say a thing. For his sake.


	8. Chapter 8

~Chapter 8~

**(Mabel's POV)**

Dipper kept waiting for the answers I couldn't provide. Josh would kill the both of us, and he failed to see that. He was getting the idea that all this was Josh, but I was sure he didn't want to jump to conclusions. The Dipper I knew would jump to conclusions. But the Dipper I knew had long shied into the Dipper that stood before me. The Dipper that, honestly, I never wanted to emerge. But things had happened. Things had changed. I felt like it was my fault. Fault, yeah, there we go. I was nothing but one big fault. And now my own brother...or, what used to be my brother...was picking away at it bit by bit. He was cracking my shell, chipping me until I broke. And when, or rather, if, I did break it wouldn't be pretty.

Emotions made people do ugly and stupid things sometimes. I didn't want to hurt my brother, even if he wasn't my brother right now, just because I let emotions get to me. I couldn't do it. I _had_ to harden myself, he had to realize that. Yes, he was thinking it was something bad, and it was. But it was a matter that needed to be left alone rather than confronted. If anyone should confront this, if anyone should even face the source of it, it would have to be me. I was there, I knew, and I understood. Dipper didn't, Dipper didn't, and Dipper didn't.

I was doing this for him. Whether he liked it or not.

It just depended on my actions. I could _choose_ whether or not I broke down in front of him. I would make the right choice so he wouldn't get hurt...or worse.

"Mabel!" he barked.

"I'm doing this for your own good..." I answered softly.

"How?"

I shook my head slowly. "I can't tell you..."

"Yes, Mabel, you can. I'm your brother, I can help. But I can't do anything until I know what's going on," he said, this time not so loudly.

"I don't want you to do anything!" I shouted, quickly realizing my mistake and putting both hands over my mouth.

His whole face dropped, more in disappointment than in sorrow. "...I can't believe you would say that. After everything we've been through, you would sit back and be miserable while I'm desperate for answers." He turned around. "I'm going to talk to Josh about this. He's your boyfriend, he'll know what's up with you."

I felt my heart do about twenty flips in that one second. I hopped out of bed and followed him until I felt the strong tugging sensation on my chest. "Don't!" _Oh, please don't!_

I could've sworn I saw him smirk slyly as he turned his attention back to me.

"I can't tell you because it has to do with him!"

I felt trapped, like a dog on a leash. And that was exactly what I was at this point. My leash was these stupid wires. I in myself was the dog, longing for freedom but forced to sit, stay, and be a good girl.

"So if I go talk to him about this, he'll tell me for sure. Thanks," he said, an undertone of gratefulness in each hideous word.

"Don't!" I cried again. "You can't go to him!"

"Why's that?" he asked evenly. "Something wrong?"

I opened my mouth to speak but the words never shoved themselves out there. I couldn't talk. My throat was closing up on me and my willpower was beginning to fade. All that came out was a shameful squeak.

"Alright then," he decided. "Josh it is."

"NO!" I screeched. Willpower wasn't needed to say that.

"Then would you please _answer me_ already?! If you don't, Josh will. Last time I'm asking, Mabel," he said, growling in frustration.

I closed my eyes again, trying my best to summon the courage. I never once thought I would have to end up telling someone about this. I always thought they would find out on their own. I thought Dipper knew but he obviously didn't if he was threatening to go to Josh. But maybe...hopefully...if I explained everything he would think twice about it. He wouldn't leave me alone, but hopefully he would leave Josh alone. Hopefully he would leave _this_ alone.

"Okay," Dipper sighed, already opening the door.

In panic, I reacted. "No don't! I'll tell you!"

He closed the door, looking over his shoulder. The fact that he wouldn't even turn around to look me in the eye told me he was serious and would, at any given moment, decide whether I was lying or not and open that door to go to the devil. Even if he was invited in, he might find the remnants of blood. Anyone else would believe whatever Josh said but after Dipper had seen my back, my bruises, everything else...he would begin to question it. He would begin to figure it all out. And it was easier, I realized, to simply tell him before he did something idiotic. I was hoping that after this, we would never speak of it again and he would revert to his normal self, his mind glued to that book of his.

I took a deep breath. "It's my fault," I began. "Josh started out sweet but then I kept messing up. Things just got worse and worse and one day he got really mad. Then this started." I hung my head but kept my eyes on him just in case.

Dipper snapped around and rushed over to me. "Josh? Started? Mabel, what are you saying?"

My voice cracked as I sat back down on the bed, Dipper pulling a chair up close and sitting down to listen. "Josh isn't who you think he is. He gets really angry."

Tears brimmed in his eyes. I had never seen Dipper cry before. I hoped I didn't have to see him cry now. "Mabel...no..." he choked.

"It's not as bad as it looks. It's just, he tends to get a little physical from time to time," I added, trying to sugar-coat everything.

"How long has this been going on?"

I know I made some kind of noise that showed my discomfort with the question, but I answered it anyway. "A little over three years."

"What?! Why didn't you...? I mean... I don't understand..."

"If you really want to help, you'll pretend you don't know anything. You'll stay away from Josh when we go out and let me handle this. I was never in the hospital, I just overslept. You never saw me bleed. You never saw my bruises. You still think Josh is a great guy with the sweetest personality you've ever seen. You still approve of him and always will. You-"

"Mabel, you can't possibly want to keep doing this, right?" he interrupted.

"I don't."

"Then why-?

"I have to. He beats me and it hurts worse than you can possibly imagine. But he'll kill you if he knows you found out. He'll kill me if he finds out I told anyone. The marks on my back were made by a baseball bat. The ones on my neck are from where he tried to strangle me, and there's another bruise somewhere from where he beat me with a golf club. He's violent, Dipper, and he _will_ kill you. If anyone comes after him, he'll come after me. Leave it alone. Please."

"But-"

"If you want to help, keep acting the way you've been acting before you noticed something was off about me."

"Don't-"

"And whatever you do, don't tell anyone else."

"Mabel-"

"Promise me you won't get involved," I finished firmly, my mind and words steadfast.

"No, I can't let you keep doing this!"

"Did you hear anything I just said? Do you understand what's at stake if you do something stupid? Just leave it alone, let it be!"

"I'm not going to do anything stupid. Trying to help someone isn't stupid. Why can't you break up with him? Please, Mabel!"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, yeah, because obviously I haven't tried _that_ before. Anything sets him off."

"Then run away!"

"Where am I supposed to go? The woods? I'll just get lost. The-"

"Then hide!"

"Tried it. He found me. Wasn't a fun day for Mabel." I cringed as I remembered how badly I had been marred.

"Stay at the Mystery Shack. He can't get you if he can't get _to_ you."

"Wow," I stated sarcastically, "never thought of that before. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll only break in and do who-knows-what."

I didn't sound like myself anymore. Normally I was quiet and tried my best to stay out of sight. I didn't need to tell him all this. I didn't need to tell him how I'd been hit, beaten, and in unimaginable pain. I should've run away from him rather than let him tap my back. I should've backed away from his hugs. I wouldn't have wound up in a hospital with broken bones and a brother who was now determined to go after Josh. I shouldn't have let any of this happen... I was such an idiot, I should've seen this coming!

"Mabel..." Dipper sobbed. Was he...? Yes, he was. Dipper was crying. I hadn't even noticed. So perfect, now _I_ was the oblivious one. Still...it hurt to see my brother so distressed. "This has to stop," he continued. "If it keeps getting worse he might go so far as to rape you..."

I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. At least he didn't know that much of it. The good thing about losing my virginity was that it hurt less. I was told sex wasn't supposed to hurt at all, and maybe that was true, but not with Josh. He was too hard and too fast. I wanted it to end more than Dipper. If only he could see the reasons behind my decisions... If only he would at least _try_ to understand... But he couldn't. He wouldn't.

Why was I the one who always ended up alone? I could have a million people surrounding me and talking to me and interacting with me...but I would still be alone, all by myself on this little tiny island called abandonment. Sometimes it wasn't so bad, being as I wanted to be left alone sometimes. But most of the time I was isolated from the rest of the world and no one could help me. I couldn't escape Josh, my isolation chamber.

I once heard someone say that nothing would ever be put on you that you can't handle. Maybe that was true. I was handling this just fine. It was painful and miserable but I managed to get by. That had to say something, right? It had to say anything...right?

"Mabel?" Dipper said, bringing me out of my thoughts. "He didn't already do that...did he?"

I took a deep breath. "Well it's been three years, Dipper. What do you think?"

Why did I keep telling him these things? He didn't need to know any more than he already did. And he already knew a lot. More than enough. You would think he would be satisfied by now, but he wasn't. He seemed to have an insatiable appetite for knowledge. And I kept telling him everything. Though...I'll admit it was surprisingly easy. Er, for the most part anyway.

"This is the last straw, Mabel, you _have_ to end it! What if you get pregnant?!" he continued.

Hm. Let's see, how many times had I gotten pregnant again? How any abortions have I had again? Oh, right. Tons. I stopped counting them a long, long time ago. I didn't need to keep track of them anymore. They would just keep coming. And I would be forced to kill yet another defenseless human life that depended on me to take care of it, at least until it was out of my stomach. And sadly those little people would never make it out. In fact, they wouldn't make it at all. Josh was cruel to them, and as much as I wanted to say no, I knew that if I disobeyed, the consequences would be dire. Possibly fatal, considering he had already broken four ribs and cracked my shoulder blade.

"Oh no...no, no, no..." He pulled me into a hug.

**A/N**

**Yeah my brain got OVERLOADED with this idea and I just couldn't get it out of my mind so I had to go on and make this chapter! :D FASTEST UPDATE EVER! For such a fast update may you do me a favor?**

**Please go to this site (remove the spaces): www . youtube watch?v=e_8PIm14IBc**

**The video was made by _Piggie-Products_ and I can't believe how accurate it is. :) It covers the story perfectly and watching it almost brought me to tears. The emotion put into this story is channeled through to that video and it really moved me. I never realized how much emotion was packed into the story until I saw that amazing video. It was an eye-opener for sure and I can't thank you enough for doing that for me, _Piggie-Products_. :'D **


	9. Chapter 9

~Chapter 9~

**(Mabel's POV)**

A hug. A. Hug. It hurt. It really hurt. It hurt so bad, it insanely hurt! So painful, had to get away! Had to get out of this death hug! I screamed and screeched and forcefully shoved him off me. Immediately I got out of the bed and began moving, squirming, trying anything I could to either pass out or lessen the pain. Nothing worked, my back felt like a thousand knives were stabbing at it, and that was no exaggeration. My senses were overloaded and there was nothing I could do about it. I was pretty sure I heard Dipper apologize about a hundred or so times. I know for a fact that he came up to me and tried to calm me down but I yelled at him to stay away from me, to not touch me. My throat wouldn't stop producing unnaturally loud sounds, sounds that indicated nothing less than pure agony. Every time my back was touched, it only hurt worse. I didn't know why and right now I didn't care why.

I pulled my hair and kept moving backwards, away from Dipper. Maybe it hurt his feelings but I couldn't risk- I bumped into something. Whatever that something was, it hit my back _hard_. I let tears roll down my cheeks and shrieked even louder. It must be at a sonic boom level right about now.

At some point I moved too far and the tugging on my chest stopped abruptly. I knew the wires had popped off. They were probably dangling lifelessly somewhere but I had my eyes shut tight and couldn't open them to save my life.

I heard the door burst open and two nurses rushed in. I yelled at them too, telling them the same thing I'd told Dipper. Don't touch me. Please do not do that. They could do whatever else they wanted but if they touched me it felt like I was going to die. But despite my demands, one of the nurses grabbed my waist, not only restricting me but...touching my back. I pleaded with them to let me go, to stop touching me. Dipper complied but these nurses did not.

I felt a very sharp pain in my neck. After about ten seconds, I felt woozy and stopped struggling. The pain in my back was finally fading away. It still hurt, but not enough for me to make any noise about it.

"Where am I...?" I murmured.

My mind felt like a cloud decided to pop in for a visit. I couldn't think straight at all. I was confused...I think. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe something really had happened. It felt real. But seriously, where was I? It looked awfully familiar, with its green couch and the red splotch on the front of one cushion. There was a gaping hole in the wall and blood still splattered on it. There was a closet down on the end of the hall. Wait...don't tell me...

But it was. I was stuck in Josh's house again. And he would pop out of nowhere any second now. How did I get here? Wasn't I supposed to be in a hospital? That was where I last remembered being... What if it was all a dream?

"Mabel!" his voice barked.

I was laying down on the floor. What happened? Whatever. It was always the best idea to simply obey him.

"Yes?" I squeaked.

Josh came into view. It was definitely him, there was no mistaking it. His messy brown hair couldn't be tamed. His green eyes stared straight into my soul, and gave him a catlike look. A look of vengeance. His cunning and arrogant attitude coupled with his domineering nature completed the inspection. As much as I loathed to admit it...he was Josh. And I knew what happened with Josh. Anyone who spent a day with Josh knew how it was. Life was never made easy on his watch and that was just the way he wanted it. I didn't know if he did what he did for kicks or some deep psychological reason, but it was wrong no matter how you looked at it. He tortured me and he knew it. He laughed in my face about that. Not literally, but you get the point.

What did I do wrong this time? I didn't even know how I got here! Not that it mattered to him of course, but it mattered to me and I worried about that.

"I'll ask you this only once," he growled. "What did you say to your brother?!"

I flinched and lifted my head just a little bit, that way I could pull it back down when he tried to hit me. Or...when he _succeeded_ in hitting me.

"I...I-I..." I fumbled around for the right words, but lying to Josh was the biggest mistake anyone could make.

More tears came down my cheeks and there was no stopping them. I had to lie though. If I didn't...If I didn't, I could be killed. Death by Josh was the worst death anyone could experience.

"I...didn't tell him anything," I whispered.

Josh swung a fist at my head and I let it fall back down, barely dodging the blow. I hated this. I wanted it to end. Dipper was right; I needed help. But how? He certainly could do it. And I'd tried everything but I... Nothing worked. No one could help me. I got myself into this mess, now I was stuck here, being brutally beaten by my "loving and caring boyfriend". Wendy, Soos, Stan...they were the only ones who could remotely figure something out. Gideon didn't have his psychic powers anymore now that his amulet had been shattered. I had no one I could turn to...

"You're lying!" he yelled, attempting another swing.

This time I just let him hit me. I couldn't do anything to avoid it anyway. And trying to avoid it would only make things worse. It didn't stop the pain, but letting him beat me was better than running away. It paid to be passive with him. It meant less pain, less torture and punishment. Maybe it would make Dipper mad to know that I actually _wasn't_ trying to stop this. I myself left it alone. He should do the same if he knows what's good for him. And for me.

"I'm sorry! He saw my bruises!" I hiccuped. "He figured out something was wrong!"

"And you _told_ him!" Another punch, right in the same spot where the first one had landed.

"I'm sorry!"

"I don't want apologies, bitch!"

I decided against replying. My arms and legs formed a barrier over my stomach, but the rest of my body was about to be in severe pain. Thankfully my back was facing, not against, only facing, the wall. It was so close he couldn't easily reach it. Unfortunately my side was exposed to him. All it would take was one single hit...and bam. It wouldn't be as bad as my back but it would still hurt crazy bad. I didn't want to cry out in front of Josh. What if it made him angry? That was the last thing I wanted to do.

"I didn't tell him, he figured it out on his own!" I cried.

Josh bent down to eye level, which by the way was pretty low since my head was still resting on the carpet, and glared at me. "Oh really now...?"

I nodded, just barely enough for him to see it.

"Your brother's smarter than I gave him credit for. We can't have him going around telling anyone, now can we?"

"Don't worry, he promised not to tell. He said he would act normally so no one would get suspicious. He also said he would leave us alone," I said quietly, trying to convince him not to go after my brother.

"Damnit, I don't _care_ what you say, it's what he says that counts!" he growled.

I quickly nodded, not breaking eye contact with him.

_"Mabel...? Mabel...?"_

I sighed, as silently as I could. Thankfully Josh didn't seem to hear it and continued to think. Probably about my punishment, as though his fists weren't enough. And for him, practically nothing was enough. He only let up because he thought he was being generous by sparing me the rest of the pain I knew he could bring.

_"Mabel, stop."_

I stayed curled up in a ball, unwilling to move for even a second. I wondered what was to come next. Something painful, no doubt.

_"Stop, Mabel! You'll hurt yourself!"_

I watched him carefully as he walked over to the closet at the end of the hall. The same closet where the baseball bat was stored. But when he opened it, it didn't look he was fetching a bat, be it metal or wooden. My body shook violently at the thought of a possible golf club beating. Why did it have to be this way for me? I lived in terror caused by the person who was supposed to love me. If he loved me, this was a weird and sick way of showing it. But I had no choice... I was forced to let him do whatever he wanted to me. Even if it meant a few blood spills. Scratch that. Even if it meant a few _more_ blood spills.

_"Mabel! Can you hear me?!"_

I closed my eyes, not even wanting to know what was in store for me. I'd been through enough. I didn't need to go through more. Or at least in my eyes I didn't. Maybe this was all happening for a reason.

_"MABEL!"_

Josh came back, I could hear him walk up to me. I knew he was carrying something, I just didn't know what. And frankly, I had no desire to find out. I didn't need my eyes to know he was raising whatever it was he was holding.

But...then the weirdest thing happened. There was a fast-paced beeping sound and unlike most other times Josh attacked me, I actually felt my muscles straining to work as protection.

I opened my eyes.

I was back at the hospital. But how? Wasn't I just in Josh's house a second ago?

I noticed that I was still curled up in a ball, my wrists hiding most of my vision. My back didn't hurt anymore. Well, there was still a throb, but it was soft. It was only enough to make me uncomfortable, but still no real pain. Not like it usually hurt. Had I been in the hospital this whole time? Maybe I just had a bad dream or...something? I couldn't tell. It was like I still hardly knew where I was at, yet it was clear to me that I was at the hospital.

I heard footsteps and jumped as a shadow moved over me. I'd unknowingly closed my eyes. I usually did that when something scared me.

"Mabel," a voice whispered.

I kept myself tense, but cracked an eye open just enough to see who it was. My age. Brown hair. Green eyes. And the signature of it all, a Gravity Falls souvenir cap. I sighed and my entire body relaxed. It was just Dipper. Better than Josh, worse than me. When I say "worse than me", I don't mean it selfishly or offensively. It meant he would talk, he would blabber, he would spill it all out. Word would reach Josh. I, however, wouldn't tell anyone unless they cornered me like Dipper had. This way, word would never reach Josh, because there were no words to go around, none to be said.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently.

I nodded, my head still feeling clouded.

"You freaked out," he told me.

Ignoring him, I took a look at myself. My hospital gown was all crinkled. The bed covers had been thrown off; now they laid scrunched up at the very end of the bed. There was another I.V. hooked up to me. Then there was a different little...thing. It looked like a second I.V. but I'd been to clinics a hundred times and they never gave a patient two I.V.s. It had to be an anesthetic. That was why my mind was so foggy and that was why my back didn't hurt nearly as much anymore. Hm...so this was what morphine felt like.

I dared to glance up at the only window in the room. It was gray outside. Morning was here. Josh would be at the Mystery Shack at sometime earlier than noon, and I had to get ready. I couldn't stay here, he would get suspicious. Josh's suspicion was one thing never to be messed with. I knew that all too well, from experience if nothing else. Anyway, I had to get Dipper to let me out of this place. And fast.

I quickly got out of bed and searched for my clothes. The tugging feeling was prominent on my chest. I tried to shrug it off. I'd get rid of the wires once I found my clothes.

"What are you doing?" Dipper asked, beginning to follow me around.

"Do you know where my clothes are?" I replied.

"Uh...sure. But I would stay in that gown. It's easier to bandage you up that way."

"Dipper, I'm fine. I just want to go home and rest." _Don't believe me._


	10. Chapter 10

~Chapter 10~

**(Mabel's POV)**

I got home late. Somehow I'd persuaded Dipper to get me out of that hospital, but only on the terms that I would rest and not move around much. I hadn't seen Josh by the door. Normally you would think that was a good thing, a sign that he didn't know I was gone. But it actually meant he had come around, been unable to find me, and went back only to come by again later. This time he would find me home, and so long as Dipper did what I told him to do, I would go with him, letting him take me to wherever...which was usually his house. Maybe I would finally get to rest, but today, I knew, wouldn't be fun.

My bed felt better than the one at the hospital. It felt welcoming and safe. This bed hadn't been tainted like Josh's bed. Dipper's bed...well, there was just something too mysterious about it. Probably because of the book and the way the lamp cast its shadows. But my bed...my bed was different from all the rest. Yes, it had hidden blood stains from previous injuries, but it held me and cradled me while I slept. I never thought I'd be so happy to see my bed.

I knew my rest wouldn't last long. Josh would be back for me. He could be here any minute, any second even! And what would Dipper do? I couldn't have him charging up to Josh and start trying to fight him. Dipper would get his butt kicked and worse...he could and possibly would be killed. I couldn't do that to my brother. He always stood up for me, always looked out for me. I couldn't repay him by letting him endure the same thing I had to.

I reluctantly slid out of my bed. Not a very long rest, I know, but I had to get out of here. I had to go to Josh's, or at least meet him before he reached the Mystery Shack. Dipper would be furious. He would yell at me and chide me. So be it. I was protecting him. And it wasn't just him, I was also protecting myself. If there was to be a death, let it be mine. Because if Dipper died, I would too. But if I died, Dipper could live. Two lives or one? Yes, the answer was pretty obvious.

Dipper was in the gift shop sweeping the floors, meaning I had a perfect chance to escape. I took it, opening and closing the door very quietly and slowly.

I trekked over to Josh's house but hesitated to knock on the door. Part of me wished Dipper was here. But that was a selfish thought. I knew the consequences of bringing him over here. It was like I was _begging_ for trouble. The worse kind of trouble, needless to say.

Summoning the courage to face a certain someone's wrath, I tapped my knuckles against the door. I heard locks being undone...a lot of locks. Josh had long ago made it so that if I tried to get away, I would have to waste time undoing all those locks. The door opened and I was "welcomed" in.

I noticed that Josh still hadn't patched up the hole in the wall. He also hadn't repainted the wall to cover up the blood spots. I couldn't help but wonder if he was sending me a message. A deadly message...

"So," he began as he shut the door behind me, "where were you?"

I gulped and cracked a weak smile. "I...I..." I couldn't tell him I was at the hospital. It would be a dead giveaway that the nurses and doctors would've found out. "I..." I couldn't find any words that could remotely match what I was trying to say.

"I don't want lies, Mabel. You of all people should know that," he said calmly, taking a piece of my hair between his thumb and forefinger and twirling it around.

He was calm. He wasn't angry right now, which meant I was safe from any violence. He only came after me when he was angry. Part of me relaxed. Most of me did not. I didn't know what to tell him. Lying to him would make him mad. Telling him the truth would make him mad. It was a lose-lose. But honestly, for the sake of saving my life, I chose to lie.

"I just... I was out with my friends," I said.

He perked an eyebrow.

"We went to the movies."

After awhile, he seemed to accept that answer and patted me on the head. "I'll let it slide."

I followed him over to the couch and sat down with him, careful to lean forward a bit so as not to aggravate my back. I rubbed one of my arms nervously. What now? I had just lied to Josh. And I'd gotten away with it too! I shook my head. No, no...no other acts of rebellion. I had been very lucky this one time. It would be dangerous to take another chance.

I would just have to smile through the tears. No one had to know how much pain I was in. Except Dipper, but that was different. He would've found out one way or another. I should've guessed he would eventually put me in check. Well he did...and what difference did it make? None. Josh was still here. I was still forced to deal with him. Dipper, hopefully, would bend to my warnings and stay away from Josh. Everything would go back to normal. ...I hated normal.

"You want to watch TV?" he asked me, already knowing I would agree with whatever he wanted.

I nodded and let him be in control of the remote. He was already in control of everything else, so...

He flipped through channels, searching for...well, whatever he wanted. I watched him carefully. Right now he was fine, sort of. Even like this, he wouldn't let me do anything without his permission. So I just sat on the couch, waiting for something to happen. I didn't get beaten every day, thankfully. I got slapped though. Literally every day. He wanted to remind me not to tell on him or something like that. I didn't need to be reminded. I already knew what would happen and it wouldn't be pretty. But at least it was just a slap. It could be a lot worse. At least it wasn't...the _bat_.

I leaned my head into my hands when I heard him crack open a can of beer. Hopefully he wouldn't get drunk. He didn't drink beer all too often, so I guess that was good, but when he did drink it, he got drunk pretty fast. He couldn't tolerate alcohol very well. He could have about three, maybe four cans.

"What's wrong?" he asked when he saw me change positions.

I shook my head and mumbled, "Nothing."

"Mabel," he said, his voice monotone and without a hint of acknowledgement in it, "I hate lies."

I gulped and lifted my head up, placing my hands on my lap. "It's just...you get drunk easily. You aren't yourself when you're drunk."

"Well what am I like?" He continued sipping on his first beer can.

I looked down, away from his face. "Violent."

He threw his head back and laughed. Yeah...okay... So apparently my misery was the funniest thing in the world. How nice to know. The least he could do was keep it a secret from me. Maybe he didn't believe me. By saying he was violent, I was saying he was the bad guy. Of course he wouldn't think of himself as the bad guy. He was Josh, and Josh was never anything but candy and baby ducks. Or at least that's how he was around everyone but me. And here people wondered why I was always so quiet...

He did something unexpected in that moment. He grasped my shoulders and forcefully pulled me into a kiss. It was aggressive and honestly, it was surprising. But for some reason, I accepted it and started returning the kiss. Why I was doing this, I didn't know. Maybe I just wasn't thinking straight. Maybe it was the strange taste in his mouth. He tasted like alcohol, which I had never had before. It was interesting, to say the least. And I had to admit, it was new to me. Very new.

He pulled away and lifted his beer can to my lips.

"Here, try it," he said.

A look of confusion crossed my face. "Huh?"

"Try it," he repeated.

I frowned.

Sensing my hesitation, he tilted the drink so I was forced to swallow some. Some of it trickled down the sides of my mouth. The taste was much thicker than in his mouth and it burned my throat. It didn't taste all that great, but it wasn't absolutely horrible either. I wasn't exactly partial to drinking, especially since I was underage, but I also wasn't partial to making Josh mad. I took hold of the can and let myself finish it off. My throat still burned but it wasn't as bad now. He pushed another one in my face.

"Is it good?" he asked, expecting me to drink another beer.

"It's...not bad," I mumbled, not entirely sure if I was lying or not.

I sighed, popping open my second can and trying to quickly get this over with. I noticed how he wasn't drinking that much anymore, not like he did before he gave me my first beer. I didn't know what he was trying to do, unless he was attempting to make me like alcohol. It made sense why he would be telling me drink it now, if that was his intention.

He kept up the cycle of giving me another can as soon as I finished one. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn't count how many I had. My head started to feel light and unclear, and I told him that, but he said it was fine and told me to keep going. I did. It didn't taste bad anymore and my throat was actually thick with the stuff, as well as my tongue and the roof of my mouth. I could taste it even when I wasn't drinking it. Weird...

Another one, and another, and another... They just kept coming and finally this bubbly feeling welled up inside me. I couldn't hold back my giggles and whatever I could be saying at this point. My back...wasn't there something about it...? I was forgetting something, I knew that much...I just...what was it? I didn't know what anything was anymore. I didn't care anymore. I exploded with laughter at that thought. Since when should I have cared? And what was there to care about? It was like...whaaaaaat?

I suddenly realized I was babbling on about something. I didn't really know what it was, I just knew I was talking. My speech sounded slurred and the words were melting together. But really now, what in the world was I saying? Everything that came out of my mouth went straight through my head, didn't comprehend a single word!

After one last beer, everything became one big blur. Josh was laughing, at what I didn't know. He tried to get me out the door but I couldn't balance very well and kept falling down. Then, next thing I knew, I was at the Mystery Shack being transferred to Dipper. He scooped me up and carried me somewhere else in the shack.


	11. Chapter 11

~Chapter 11~

**(Mabel's POV)**

I was shaken awake and groaned. My head still felt fuzzy and I didn't feel like moving right now. I opened my eyes nonetheless to find Dipper squatting beside my bed. He shook my shoulder again. I groaned again. He shook me harder and longer this time. Deciding it wasn't worth it, I tried to sit up only to fail and drop back onto the bed.

"Mabel, what the heck?!" Dipper hissed.

I looked out the window. It was nighttime. No wonder he was being quiet. Er, quiet-ish. "What?"

"First of all, I've been trying to wake you up for the past hour. Second of all, _what the heck_?! You got drunk yesterday!" he explained. A little forcefully, I might add.

I sighed heavily. "Yeah, I know." I knew he would scold me for some of the things Josh did. The things I wouldn't tell him about, the things he would always think were my fault. Those things that, as far as everyone else would know, I was to blame. It was fine, though, because Dipper already knew more than enough. The less he knew, the better it would be for everyone. Including him.

"We're _fifteen_, why would you get drunk at _fifteen_?!" he continued.

I shrugged, which wasn't too easy when you're in bed, and answered, "I just wondered what it would be like. It's not fun."

"I would imagine. You couldn't even _walk_ when you got here, I had to carry you!"

"Sorry."

He pointed a finger at me. "Sorry doesn't cut it, Mabel. What you did was wrong."

"I know."

"Don't ever do it again!"

"Okay."

I felt something wet burn my eyes. Technically, _I_ told my arms to move, _I_ told my hands to move, and _I_ told myself to swallow. It was my decision. I couldn't blame this one on Josh. However, I did it out of fear. I didn't want to be hit again. I wanted to keep myself safe...so I drank. And now that I was in trouble for it, I could just take the blame and deal with it.

And from now on, I wouldn't make a sound. I would cry silently. My tears would be shed alone. My screams would never come out. My pain would never be shown. My fears would never be revealed.

For two more months, this was how my life was. I had come back drunk a few times, but not because I wanted to. I had covered for Josh all this time, and I knew I would have to keep doing it. I was often blamed for my "irresponsible" and "reckless" actions. Even Dipper scolded me for things beyond my control. He never saw what happened behind Josh's door. He never knew what I went through. But thankfully he stayed away from Josh and didn't get involved. I kept telling him I was working my way out. I lied.

My back and side had almost completely healed. The faint brown spots they had were sore, but not actually painful. I could hug Dipper now, which was great considering he would think things were getting better. And they were, sort of. When I was hit, it wasn't hard enough to leave a black bruise. Not even a purple or blue one. They were all brown, whether it was light or dark. This was really good for me; it meant I could just use makeup to cover it up. Not even Dipper noticed them. And so he continued to think everything was getting better. In fact, I was pretty sure he thought Josh didn't hit me at all anymore. Not true, but still...

I sat in the bathroom as usual, shower turned on but no one in it. I didn't make any noise when I cried. My tears slipped down but they, too, didn't say a word. They never told anyone I was like this. They never told anyone how often I would sit in the corner of the bathroom and cry. And they didn't drop when I came out of the bathroom. They gave me the important opportunity to pretend I wasn't being hit. I could wear a convincing mask and walk around as though I had nothing to hide. And now that the bruises were reduced to brown and thus much easier to conceal through makeup or clothing, I could laugh "normally" and play games with my family and friends. Things were returning back to "normal".

Except now I felt the urge to keep my bruises a secret from Dipper. He had known about them before, but now that I was acting like the happy little carefree girl I used to be, it was like he let it go almost entirely. He still got mad whenever he saw Josh, but other than that he left well enough alone. It wasn't that he didn't care, because I knew he did, it was just that all evidence of abuse was "gone". They were completely hidden from sight. Everyone thought I was fine. Nobody questioned me. I was fine.

At least that's what I kept telling myself.

I held back a sniffle and drew a slow breath instead. See? Silent. Not a word. Not a sound. Nothing. I was...fine. I would simply take it day by day and hope it would end. Eventually.

A knock on the door. I lifted my head.

"Mabel!" Dipper called over the patter of the water. "You almost done in the shower?"

"Yeah!" I yelled back. "Hold on!"

I slowly got up and wet my hair to make it look like I'd gotten a shower. I didn't always use the shower as my cover. In fact, sometimes I didn't even use the bathroom as my cover. Sometimes I waited until I was completely alone, then I would have a breakdown. A very quiet, noiseless breakdown. No one saw my struggles and no one heard my tears. That was how it was supposed to be. That was how I intended it to stay. Maybe it sounded sad, but it wasn't all that bad. I got away with it, and that was what counted most.

I noticed some of the makeup had come off when I was drying my hair with a towel and sighed. The amount of makeup I put on each day and night made me look fake, like a doll or a puppet. I hated it. But it had to be done. More secrets. More lies. More makeup. I had to do it for Dipper and Wendy and Gruncle Stan and Soos...and everyone else.

I washed off the rest of my makeup, including the wet mascara trails and glimmering eyeshadow. My true face was revealed. Most of the spots on it were light brown, but just above my left temple was a bigger and darker bruise. It was swollen but, thankfully, could still be hidden, but the fact that it was there reminded me of what my life was really like. I applied new makeup. I could hide behind curtains all I wanted, but it wouldn't change anything. I hadn't been beaten in awhile but I still got hit. I didn't want to be hit again... I just wanted him to love me like every other boyfriend.

I walked out of the bathroom and was quickly called into the kitchen for a game of cards. It was perfect, I realized as I joined Gruncle Stan and Soos in a game of Uno. It gave me the chance to show everyone I was okay and not at all depressed about anything. I could pretend I was one of them, one of the people with better lives.

"Oh come on!" Gruncle Stan yelled. "Really?! A Skip?!"

I smiled and laughed evilly. "It's the third time, too."

"She called a Reverse on me twice," Soos muttered.

"What can I say? I got a lucky hand. Your turn, Soos," I replied.

He took awhile, looking at his four cards intently. I wondered what color they were, because it seemed he never had the right number. The current number was 7 and the color blue. After a full minute, he put down a Wild Card and changed the color to yellow. The number was now 5. And Soos had a mere two cards left. He was a threat to the game now.

My turn. I pulled out a yellow Draw 2 card and placed it neatly on the stack, pretending to be cocky. Gruncle Stan muttered something under his breath and drew two cards from the dwindling deck. Soos' turn again. He put down a yellow 2.

"Uno!" he announced.

Gruncle Stan really didn't need to worry right now. It didn't look like he even had a chance, being as he had about eleven cards. I, however, had three in my hand and I could get booted by Soos. I had to at least try to win if I wanted to keep up my act. I quickly scanned my cards. I had one yellow card and one red 2. I chose to change the color to red. Immediately, Soos slammed his last card down. A red 6.

Everyone else groaned.

"Sorry, dudes. Payback for last time," Soos said, shrugging casually.

I laughed. Faking happiness wasn't easy. Hopefully Josh knew how hard I was trying. Maybe he would give me a break, if I was lucky. He _had_ been going easier on me lately. No real beatings. Punches and lesser abuse, like pushing me down, was still used but it could be so much worse. Now it wasn't as bad as before...sort of. I could actually get through each day without worrying about someone seeing my bruises. I'd admit it still hurt when he hit me, and sometimes it hurt when I bumped into things or when someone touched me, but it was okay now. Compared to before, I really was fine. A hundred percent.

My smile lessened, and I worked hard to lift it again. It was fake, but it was very convincing. I just had to hope Dipper continued to see it as real. So far so good, unless he was pretending as well. We shared the same genes. Maybe we shared the same acting skills as well. Hopefully we didn't.

Because this wasn't me. Under this makeup was me. No one saw my eyes. They were watery. No one saw my cheeks. They were spotted. No one saw my arms. They were bruised. No one saw my legs. They were beaten. No one saw my heart. It was broken.

How much longer could I take it, I wondered. Reflecting on how often I had taken damage...just how much...I mean... It obviously didn't matter. No one could help me, even if I begged them. I tried begging Josh for mercy. It didn't work. So any pleas for help were useless. And telling anyone about this would only make them pity me. Part of me wanted to die, to just...get it over with. But another part thought of Dipper and the rest. I decided to listen to that part, to the one that wanted to live for them. Because I wanted to. For them. I didn't want to break their hearts. Especially not Dipper's. Not after what he had seen...

I'm fine, I told myself. I can make it, I told myself. I'm fine, I told myself. I am fine...I told myself. I am...perfectly fine...I cried.

I found myself about to be betrayed by salty water. If I cried that one tear...just that one single tear...then the rest would follow, one straight after another, never stopping. My voice might break through my barrier. They might hear me. They might see me. They might feel for me. I didn't want that, they couldn't...!

_I'm fine._

**A/N  
**

**Okay, first and foremost, a ton of you seem to think that Mabel actually WANTED to drink. I'm here to clarify that she didn't. Josh kept handing her those drinks, remember? And she didn't want to get hit again, so she did what he wanted. And in this chapter, many of you will think Dipper is OOC-ish, but he's really not. Two entire months with literally NO signs of abuse and Mabel returning to the normal, random girl she used to be have made him think nothing is happening anymore.  
**

**Secondly, look up these two songs (they match this story PERFECTLY): _Stand In the Rain_ by Superchic and _Too Beautiful_ by He is We.**


	12. Chapter 12

~Chapter 12~

**(Mabel's POV)**

"I'm sorry!" I yelled through my own tears. "I swear, I didn't know!"

Pacifica... She'd seen me sort of crying last night. I knew the scene she saw and it wasn't of myself. I could imagine it now. My eyes and cheeks were glistening in the moonlight. I couldn't help but hug my stomach at the knowledge that I should've seen my own entrapment coming. I could've gotten away before it was too late. But being the sad, dumb little girl that I was, I stood back and let Josh take over my life. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and turned my head to the side. Back then, Pacifica was just being mean. But now she was right. Hope she's happy.

I was still standing back and letting him have my life, even as he hit me, even as he beat me. I had no choice... Did I want to get away from him? Did I want to cry out for help and pour my heart out to the first person I saw? The answer to both questions was pretty obvious. I was sick of being left exhausted and broken. I was sick of hiding everything from everyone. I was sick of being bruised every single day for three years going on four. I must've done something horribly wrong for someone to hate me so much.

But now I was being thrown brutally onto the floor. Thankfully it was carpet but it was the thin kind of carpet. The kind that, unfortunately, just barely lifts off the ground underneath it. So yes, I might as well have been thrown onto a concrete floor. Because that's what it felt like right now. Solid concrete. And it hurt... It hurt so bad... Please, let this be the end of it. At least for today, just go easy on me. I didn't know she had been right there.

"I'm sorry!" I cried out again, hardly even thinking about what I was saying. I never had to think anymore. Every day was filled with "I'm sorry!"s. It didn't make a difference, really. It was pointless to plead for forgiveness. Still, I wanted to, I guess in false hopes that he would listen and maybe even regret what he did. You know...for the past three years. Scratch that, it was over three years now. A couple of months over.

But then, who was counting? Certainly not me. I was just counting down the days until either I died, or until I was miraculously set free. Not that that was ever going to happen...

He was finally done. His knuckles were a dark pinkish color. Some of the bruises were going to be blue. But thankfully none would be on my face. I could still hide them. I think Josh knew I could, and that's why he never left noticeable bruises on my face. At least he was kind enough to lay off on that part of my body. Well, if Josh ever did kindness. He was capable of showing it; he did it every time someone else was near. Whenever someone else was near, I suddenly became his entire world. Nothing was good enough for his precious angel, I was the only girl for him, he'd never seen anything more beautiful than me...blah blah blah. All the things he said at those times were erased entirely when he took me back to his place to hit me.

I didn't understand what was so wrong with me. Maybe one day I would figure it out and fix it so this would end, but for now...I was just content sitting in my protective ball in my protective corner. I was glad Josh gave me the opportunity to rest up before either he hit me again or I was free to go back home. This time it was a beating. A mild one, but still a beating. It could've been worse. It could've been _far_ worse.

"You can just go now," I heard Josh say.

It actually took an amount of effort to get up. Blue bruises... I sighed. My back had hurt insanely bad, but the shock of the baseball bat was probably overwhelming the pain, the way its smooth end busted me up. Hm. Busted me up. Wasn't that an understatement.

I held onto the nearest chair and struggled to hoist myself to my feet. Even then I had trouble staying up. Half the time it was like this, with me being too weak to stand up without resting for awhile first. I could hardly stand now, and sometimes it happened. Surprisingly it hadn't with the baseball bat, but this time his fists were rigid and much pointier than a bat. He could hit several points on my skin at once. This was the major difference between a fist and a bat. Both of them hurt, and both of them could deliver a full-out beating, but one could only hit a single point at once, and the other could hit many points at once.

I gathered my bearings and slowly made my way out the door, undoing all those locks first. I noticed I was shaking. I didn't know if it was just from the freezing weather, or... Hey...it was snowing. It wasn't unusual for it to snow since we were up north, but it would explain why I was shaking. I pulled out some powder from my skirt pocket and opened it. On the top lid was a little mirror, and on the bottom was the actual makeup itself. I took the brush and smoothed it over the powder. But before I could dab it onto my face, I caught sight of myself in the little mirror. Tear trails washed off the powder to reveal small bruises on my face, as well as the pink hand print from where Josh had slapped me earlier.

That was my true self. That was what I had become, what I had turned into. I was just...I was nothing but a toy now. Something to be used, something to be played with. I wondered if it was best if I just died now. Just...ended it myself. There were lots of ways. Jump off a cliff, grab a knife, tie up a rope... It would be so easy to end my own suffering, my own pain, my own misery. I didn't really want to live anymore. If my entire life would be spent dealing with Josh, then I might as well be pronounced dead. The only reason I kept going on was for the sake of my family. I had been hurt enough to know that losing something you cherished was devastating. I didn't want to do that to them. They didn't do anything to deserve it.

I would just have to keep living until I was hidden in the shadows so much that no one would ever know I was gone. Hopefully that would be soon, because I was tired of going through this day after day. But I knew that was speaking selfishly. People would get hurt if I didn't do this. They also wouldn't understand why I was doing this, just like Dipper didn't understand at the hospital. I couldn't tell them. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't.

I was still crying, I noticed. So instead of pointlessly masking my face with makeup that would only be washed off, I stopped walking and sat down. The snow had been accumulating on the ground and I never realized it until now. It was deep. Not knee-deep or anything, but still pretty deep. My feet were freezing, but in a very strange way, it felt good. Maybe it felt good because I was alone for once, where I could cry and scream. And no one would have to know. I was almost to the Mystery Shack, but I was still in the forest that surrounded it. I was deep enough in that no one would see me. I could do anything I wanted, as long as I got back there in time. But for now I...I actually had time for myself.

And oddly enough, I wanted to spend it crying quietly while nestled in the snow. This whole "free time" thing would last forever. It would end soon enough. In fact, I probably only had about-

"Hello?" I heard a voice say, interrupting my thoughts entirely. Oh crap. Ooooohhhh no... No, please...! Let that have been my imagination, don't let that have been a human voice! Let it have been an animal that I had simply _mistaken_ for a human's! PLEASE!

I didn't dare to look behind me.

"Hey, can you hear me?" the voice said.

I sighed softly. It was a human's voice... And I was afraid that if I moved, even in the slightest, then that person would know I was a person. Maybe if I stayed perfectly still, I could somehow fool them into thinking I was a stump or a rock...or something. The snow was already piling up on me, so it could possibly be believable. I hoped.

"Hey...?" the voice said, this time in an unsure tone.

Don't move don't move don't move.

Footsteps.

Don't move don't move don't move.

Closer.

Don't move don't move don't move!

Silence.

DON'T MOVE DON'T MOVE DON'T MOVE!

"Why are you all the way out here?" the voice asked. It was feminine. This person was a girl.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO _NOT_ MOVE!

I held my breath so the air around me would stay clear.

"Hello?" she asked again. She sounded annoyed.

I tightly shut my eyes and tried to stave off a hitch. I had to stop crying so hard. I didn't want to sniffle or sob. I certainly didn't want to have a breakdown right here, right now, right in front of this lady. I clenched my jaw and tightened my lips. I couldn't show any sign of distress! I'd worked for two months to hide all this and I couldn't expose it now!

"Hey, uh...are you alright?" she asked.

Stop!

"Can you even hear me?"

Please, just go away!

My lungs suddenly reminded me that I needed oxygen. I refused to let them have any.

Footsteps. The girl's shadow being cast over me and onto the snow in front of me.

No...please...leave me alone...

"Wait. _Mabel?_" she said, saying my name as though she hadn't seen me in ages.

I couldn't hold out much longer... My lungs were hurting! And the tears still wouldn't stop coming down! She had to leave. Now. She had to go now. _Now!_

"Is that you?" The lady put a hand on my shoulder and I swear I almost jumped a hundred feet in the air.

I cleared my throat and tried to change the tone of my voice. I tried to make it deeper, less Mabel-ish. "No. I'm..." Who? Who was I, who was I supposed to say I was?

"Oh, wow. This really _is_ sad. Pitiful little Mabel, sitting here thinking. Or trying to think at least."

And now we know who it was. Pacifica.

"Poor thing can't even talk!" she teased me.

I was scared. This was the second time she'd caught me. I didn't know if she'd seen me crying, but if Josh happened to see this...

She cackled.

I kept thinking of Josh, and how he might be able to hear her laugh if he chanced being so close to this location.

"Stop!" I hissed, soon after gulping in air.

She huffed, as if in amusement, and said, "Oh, it looks like it's had enough of me already. Because that's not rude at all."

She was so close to me...! I rapidly pulled out my makeup and tried to put it on despite the tears. It was no use, I couldn't make enough of it stay there! I'd been crying so much that the bruises on my cheeks were showing. I had no idea this much makeup had come off! If she saw this...! Or worse, if Josh saw this...! Oh my God! OH MY GOD, IF HE SAW THIS...!

I abruptly cried out, cutting Pacifica off, and with as much strength as I could summon, threw the entire thing somewhere deeper into the woods. My chest heaved.

"Oh, my, my! Now it's angry!" She feigned being scared.

I got up, trying to get away just in case Josh was listening in on this, but tripped over an exposed tree root. I heard Pacifica laughing at me. Even as I was out in the cold, even as I was now sprawled out in the deep snow...she laughed. It hurt. It hurt bad. And for once I didn't mean the bruises...

Thankfully my hair had fallen over my face, including my cheeks, when I tripped. None of my bruises would be seen. Not even Pacifica deserved Josh. She couldn't know either. Nobody could. If they tried to help- No...no, they couldn't even try. I had no one to help me. So every day I went through hell and back. Sometimes twice. I didn't want Pacifica to go through what I was still going through. She was mean. She was cruel. But Josh was meaner. Josh was crueler. In order to help her, I simply stay put, not bothering to get off the ground, not bothering to brush the snow off me.

**A/N**

**STAY AWAY FROM "DIPPER GOES TO TACO BELL"! I HAVE NOT EVER LOOKED AT SUCH A HORRIBLE STORY! Don't believe me? Hop on youtube and look up, "my reaction to dipper goes to taco bell". Scroll down until you find the video made by Lila Shera. That's me by the way. You will see me and my reaction. STAY AWAY FROM THAT STORY IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! THIS IS NOT A JOKE!**


	13. Chapter 13

**It's not like me to leave and A/N at the very beginning, but there's something EXTREMELY important I want you to read at the bottom of this story! PLEASE READ THE A/N!**

~Chapter 13~

**(Mabel's POV)**

Pacifica continued to rant, to laugh, to make fun of me. It felt more like she was making fun of what I had to go through. She could make fun of my looks and unknowingly be talking about my bruises. She could make fun of the fact that I was laying in the snow and unknowingly be talking about my exhaustion. Every word thrown at me burned. It felt a lot like she was spilling acid on me rather than teasing me. But hey, at least someone was feeling better about herself... It was much more than I could say for myself.

"Wow, you're still laying down? I've seen some pretty pathetic little people, but you're definitely taking the cake now!" she continued.

She didn't need to tell me I was pathetic. I already knew. I was the freaky girl in this town, the one who went from happy to fake practically overnight. Nobody really noticed, and if they did, they never bothered to question it. It was for the best, I kept telling myself, that no one knew or asked. And Pacifica...why would it matter to her? All she ever did for me was put me down. Josh did enough of that as it was... Why couldn't she just stop now and leave me alone? All I wanted was a break from my life, that was it. That was all I wanted. I knew it was selfish to think this way, but it seemed like everyone else had it made compared to me. To me, the girl stuck flat on her stomach laying hopelessly on the ground.

"Why aren't you getting up?!" she fumed, seeming to finally acknowledge that I wasn't talking or even moving.

I swallowed. My mouth and throat were dry. It was uncomfortable, but perhaps it was best if I did talk. Just to hide this, if for nothing else. And also because...I really wanted to have something to say. Anything really. I never got to talk much anymore, aside from faking everything with my family. Pacifica wasn't my family, wasn't even my friend. She was so busy lowering me further than I could go that she wouldn't notice diddly squat. She was my perfect chance to just...talk.

"Mabe-!"

"Sorry," I breathed. I cleared my throat, trying to get the thirsty feeling out of my mouth.

"Pfft. You have a ton to be sorry for, so if I may ask, which one?"

I slowly pushed myself up off the ground. I didn't wipe off any snow, hoping it would help hide any exposed bruises. "I'm just...I'm sorry."

"I heard you the first time!" she snapped. Well, she _was_ used to getting everything she wanted... Snapping at someone wasn't exactly unusual for her.

I shivered. "For everything." For pushing people too far. For pushing _Josh_ too far.

She held silent for awhile, but huffed out her frustration nonetheless.

"I'm sorry." I heard my voice crack, and fresh tears stung my eyes as they ran down my face, threatening to freeze into icy beads. I made no attempt to stop them. "I'm so sorry."

"FOR WHAT?!" she screeched.

I felt my breath hitch but kept on anyway. "For everything I've done. I should've listened to you when I had the chance. I really am just a sad, dumb little girl and I should've listened but I ignored it. I'm sorry!"

She took a step back. "Huh?"

"And now I'm in trouble. I hate this! I hate myself!" Why was I telling her all this...? But it was true. Had I taken into account that Pacifica could've been right about me all along, perhaps I would've thought too lowly of myself to say yes when Josh first asked me out. Ignoring her insults had been the worst mistake of my life. Literally. "I'm sorry I didn't listen!"

For once she kept her mouth shut. Not a single sound escaped those lips of hers, the ones she found so perfect. She was barely breathing. Small wisps of condensed air, warmer than the air around it, dissipated into the woods. It would be a disaster if Josh saw this. And I'd just told her I was in trouble. Oh, I _would_ be in trouble if he saw her, if he saw me talking to her. Unlike the perfect queen bee of Gravity Falls, I knew what pain was. I was very familiar with imperfection and the feeling of one's guts twisting into knots. I had enough going on in my life without her, and if only she knew... No. We had a hate-hate relationship but no one, _no one_, should ever be placed in my position. Not even her. Not even the girl who managed to introduce me to humiliation. Josh was too much for anyone, including me. She shouldn't have to suffer simply because I was talking to her.

For over three years, I had been sucking it all up and dealing with it however I could. I had, at one point...at a few points actually, begged for my life. There was more humiliation, as well as so many other emotions, in that than Pacifica could ever bring. He was worse. She was better. He was bad. She was good. That was how I saw it. Josh was the epitome of evil; compared to him, Pacifica was the angel of peace and kindness, the angel that kissed newborns as they were being introduced to the world outside their mother's womb, the angel that touched the hearts of millions when she spoke her soft words of bliss. She was that angel as opposed to Josh, whose deeds were far worse than anything on any horror film I had ever witnessed. Well now I guess I could congratulate myself.

I got to witness it firsthand, the absolute front row seat. That which was considered "the best seat in the house". Wasn't I the lucky one... If this was the best seat then I wanted the worst. Of course, it would be unwise to jinx everything. So far so good with Josh; he had been going easy on me lately and therefore I had something to appreciate. It could be much worse.

"I have to go now." I didn't mean for my voice to be soft, just barely above a whisper. Maybe it was a subconscious thing, a conditioned response. I was used to being this way around pretty much everyone. Whenever I thought I might've let the tiniest thing slip, I lowered my voice and pretended to be as innocent as a fluffy cloud floating without a care in the pretty blue sky.

At the thought of a fluffy cloud, I realized that there were upsides to being subject to Josh's actions. Whichever actions he chose, anyway. All that pain that had built up over three years and counting had made me mature. I was smarter, more sensible and logical. I knew what I was doing, and when and where I should do it. I could think things through and plan things thoroughly. I'd learned how to handle my life. I'll admit it wasn't easy, and it had taken a long time, but in the end it paid off. So it could be worse. At least I went through all this and gained something from it.

An important life lesson, I liked to make myself believe.

Without a single glance back in Pacifica's direction, I turned, mindful to step over that accursed tree root, and bolted towards the Mystery Shack. At the speed I was going, it took me all of five seconds to get to the door...where I stopped.

My makeup. Half of it was gone. What if I opened the door and someone saw my face? Light bruises or not, they were still bruises. And I worried about Dipper; if he saw my face then he might try to go after Josh this time. He had taken heed to my warnings last time and saved himself a terrible fate, but...this time he would be so furious at me, and not for coming home drunk again. I had lied to him. I had kept lying to him even though he trusted me. I needed his trust, and it had to be the one thing in the world right now that I couldn't afford to destroy.

Suddenly I found myself regretting my actions earlier, my frustration having gotten the best of me as I stupidly threw my makeup somewhere out in to forest. Note to self: don't let it happen again. And here I was telling myself that I thought things through, that I was more sensible. Oh yeah, because throwing away the only thing that could cover my bruises without attracting attention was so smart. Nice, Mabel, _real_ nice...

I would never be able to find the little thing out there in the forest, and it was obviously not around the Mystery Shack. I had several more inside, but the biggest problem facing me was Dipper. My brother knew what "had" happened between me and Josh, and he made it very clear that he didn't like it. If he saw my face without my makeup on it would spell disaster. What choice did I have, though? I would have to come home sooner or later, and now was about the time I came back. They were expecting me to open that door any moment now, and I couldn't linger outside it forever. I...I had to take my chances...unfortunately...

I hung my head, my eyes still on that evil door. I didn't want to take chances with _anything_ anymore. Relying on luck was a bad thing; it never came to rescue anyone. As for me, whatever luck I had left had long abandoned me. Just wait. Just wait, someone would be right there, right in front of that door doing whatever as I walked in. They would see my face, ask what was wrong and where I got all these bruises...and I was doomed. I would rather throw myself off a cliff and put my life at the mercy of the rocky ground below than go back to Josh's. At least if I was dead, I wouldn't feel him hit me. Or maybe I would be too disfigured and he wouldn't know it was me. Maybe he would still be off chasing "Mabel", the one that would be rotting in the ground without his ever knowing about it.

I shook all thought of suicide out of my head... Dipper, if no one else, wanted me to keep living. He was my twin brother and he had seen all those bruises on my already-marred body, the worst of them all being the one on my back. To top it, he had made it bleed. I couldn't imagine what it felt like to hurt someone you cared about so much. One of the reasons I didn't want him to see was because I knew it would hurt him, make him feel like it was his fault. Not true. If anything, it was my fault. Had I known what the future held, what was in store for me...then I could've waked away from it. I could have changed all this. Or better yet! I could have _prevented_ all this! Just by saying no when Josh first asked me out, just with one little word, none of this would be happening. Everyone would still be happy and all would be as it should.

Guess life just didn't work that way...

I wanted to sigh but I was so paranoid right now... What if someone happened to open that door right now and heard me? They would know something was wrong! Maybe I wasn't being paranoid, actually. Someone opening the door...that was very possible. So I was sane, thankfully. At least for now. If this kept up much longer I was going to lose it!

I drew a sharp breath and kept my eyes on the ground as I gently opened the door, attempting to be as quiet as possible.

**A/N**

**Hello, all! I'm sorry for the terrifyingly slow update. :( I'm busy lately...**

**QUESTION! ATTENTION! VERY IMPORTANT! I've put up a poll that MUST be voted on! It'll be on my profile, and PLEASE hurry to vote! Time's ticking and I have two other polls for one of my DP fanfics. Voting must be done quickly! I'll give you all two days to vote, but no more than that because again, my DP fanfic desperately needs these votes. **

**Anyway I have some announcements real quick:**

**1. I have seen three pictures made for this story, all on deviantart. Look up "a rose without petals fanfiction" and you'll see them. (one of them is by MelissaPhantom but I'm not sure who the others belong to; I know one other one belongs to MelissaPhantom's friend) MelissaPhantom's picture would go great as a title card, so please be sure to check it out. The link should be on her profile.**

**2. If you haven't seen Piggie-Products' flipnote, it's still up on youtube. Look up "a rose without petals flipnote" and it'll be the first video you see.**

**3. I am currently making a youtube AMV (animated music video; not calling anyone stupid except me, because I found that out recently). The cartoon is Danny Phantom and the song is New Divide by Linkin Park. All rights to their respective owners. It's not done yet and there's a TON of work involved (I'll spare you the details), so it's still raw. However, I'll be fashioning it into a real AMV within about a week, no less than five days. There'll be effects and transitions, as well as overlays. It'll be pretty good, and I don't usually brag about this stuff. :) The hardest, most exhausting, and most time-consuming AMV I've ever done, and I can already tell it'll pay off. I'll be sure to let you all know when it's done. Til then, pray for me!**

**Anyone else who has a picture (I'm talking to the two of you whose usernames I don't know), please be sure to tell me. :) I love seeing them and it makes me really happy to know people like ARWP this much.**


	14. Chapter 14

~Chapter 14~

**(Mabel's POV)**

Behind the door, that's what I was terrified of. It could be anything, and with my luck, or rather, with my lack of luck, I just _knew_ something was bound to happen. I knew someone was bound to see.

I shuddered at the thought of what could happen. With Dipper, I just might be able to weasel out of the mess I would cause. But...with everyone else, who had no idea what was really going on...that was an entirely different story. I had no way of knowing what would happen, or what they would do to me. I had lied to them. I had been lying to them for over three years and even now I lied. I continued to cover Josh through unreal amounts of makeup, so much that I would probably develop an allergic reaction to it later on.

I heard the door creak just slightly enough to scare the skin off me. this had nothing to with the door whatsoever but...I wanted to break down crying. I wanted to burst through the door and run into Dipper's arms. I wanted him to hold me like a brother does when his sister is so...broken. I wanted to be told it was okay, that everything was going to be fine. I wanted to know that no more scars would be left on me, and that my bruises would heal. I wanted him to tell me there would be no more bruises. No more suffering. No more pain. No more rape, pregnancies, or abortions. No more being thrown onto the hard floors. No more being slammed against anything. No more red hand prints on my face. And...and no more ridiculous makeup.

And if it weren't for Josh, I would _beg_ him to tell me all that.

I sighed and pinched my arm. If I was going to cry, I could at least give myself a legitimate reason to cry. Because I was honestly starting to think life was a cruel thing, a thing that should cease to exist altogether. But then...Dipper wouldn't be there. No one would. Alright, so...maybe life wasn't so bad. Well, their lives anyway. I wanted so badly to throw myself off a cliff. I knew where every cliff was around here. I would certainly die if I jumped off the larger ones. All I had to do was sneak out of Josh's sight. The closest cliff was about a third of a mile from the Mystery Shack. It didn't have pointed rocks on the ground, like I'd have preferred simply so I could have pure assurance that I would die, but it would do. I was unsure about a suicide note. I didn't know if I would ever want Dipper to find me on the ground, dark red pooling around my lifeless body. If I wrote a note... I sighed. Alright, forget the note. No note, certain death, away from the black talons of Josh... I had a plan now. How I would do it. Whether there should be a note involved. Who to avoid while doing it. I would do it whenever I could.

NO! I mentally slapped myself, and then I mentally kicked myself in the gut. I couldn't...! Dipper would be so sad if I died, and to know that I killed myself... What would that do to him?

"Alright, Dipper. You're the only thing standing in my way," I mouthed to myself. Then I smiled gratefully. "Thank you..."

I timidly peered inside the Mystery Shack and sighed as a huge wave of relief washed gently over me. No one was there... They were all in the living room, all their eyes glued to the TV. Oh finally...oh good... I finally got a gesture in my favor. Thank you, Life!

Or no, I shouldn't be thanking Life. Nevermind, Life. I hate you. Still.

I crept very slowly, almost painfully slow, inside. Closing the door was scary for me. Maybe I could just put on my makeup, slowly creep back outside, and then open the door normally. Then I could stride back into the place acting like everything was perfectly fine, completely normal. I was not in any sort of pain in any form or fashion and...

I skulked past them all.

...And I was so tired of lying. Nobody wanted to be lied to, and it was terrible, the feeling you got in your gut when you repeatedly lied to your family...to the people who loved you unconditionally... I just...I...

I felt my breath hitch and I slapped a hand over my mouth, peeking back to make sure no one heard it. I was Mabel, and Mabel couldn't cry. She couldn't _afford_ to cry. If she did, bad things would come. Those bad things would befall her and her family.

And I didn't want that to happen.

So I lied to them in order to protect them. Did I hate it? More than you know. Did I despise the reason I have to do this? With a passion. Did I get angry at the person who did this to me, which eventually rippled to everyone else? Well...let's just say I felt my insides burn at the very thought of that person. And then, at the thought of what that particular person could do...let's just say my innards turned to ice and I wanted to curl into a ball on my acquired instinct.

I resisted that instinct, that strong urge, almost a reflex by now! I resisted it because it would look suspicious.

I wanted Dipper to hold me like he used to when I was upset... Not just him, it didn't have to be him, I wanted anyone to give me this great big hug and make me feel safe for the first time in three years...and a few months over. Even though it would be a complete lie, I wanted more than anything to be told, "Hey, Mabel, it's okay. Everything will be okay." That's it, that's all I wanted... But even that seemed to be too much to ask.

I felt my lower lip quiver, _begging_ me to let out everything I had been holding in. No. Bad lower lip. Stop trembling like that. The evil part of my body, and ironically the only one that hadn't been hit yet. I figured Josh would see a bloody lip and know I would be unable to cover it up, even with lipstick. I could use bright red or dark red but my entire family would get curious, and maybe someone would begin snooping around. That was the last thing I needed.

I reached a hand and gingerly stroked the back of my head. A small knot had formed from where I'd hit the floor. At least my long, thick hair would hide that.

I needed a shower. I could slip in and it wouldn't arouse any suspicion. They would simply think I came downstairs. But I almost didn't want to take a shower.

In fact, even when I was in the bathroom, I hesitated to undress. Knowing the reminder of my day-to-day routine... I sighed. I didn't...I really didn't want to...to see it...

I pulled off my shirt and reluctantly looked up at myself. Bruises. Everywhere. My arms, stomach, back, collarbone, even my sides... I looked horrible, like something from a horror movie. There were scars on me, you know. Lots of them. Everywhere. While they didn't cover every square inch of my body, and while most of them were so faded they were barely noticeable, I saw each and every one and the reality of how weak I'd become hit me in the face with each scar I looked at.

I rubbed a thumb smoothly over my stomach, where a large jagged scar ran across my skin. It would never fade.

I remember the day I had tried to stitch that up.

Josh tried to slice my head with a large knife while I was curled up into a ball. I should've dropped to the ground to avoid it, but I made the mistake of jumping up in both fear and reflex in false hopes of getting away. He struck my stomach _hard_. It was a horrible scene... Blood had splattered all over the place the instant I was penetrated and as I fell to the floor, my black sweater became soaked with blood. Insane amounts of dark red pooled around my body. At first, the shock of it all had overwhelmed me, but then the pain set in... There were no words for it, that kind of pain. I curled back up into a ball, this time tightly holding my stomach. Only after I started crying did I realize that I was screaming. I was scared. I was desperately begging him to not stab me again. He ignored me, but didn't stab me again, nor did he even attempt to. Instead he turned around and left me on the floor to cleanse his knife.

I remember shakily lifting one hand and being struck by horror at the sight of my blood literally _dripping_ off it, a red film ruffled here and there that trailed across my fingers, my palm, and spanning the entire length of my wrist down to my elbow. I looked down but made no effort to get up. My entire abdomen had been slashed open. There was a huge, gaping wound that ran from upper right to lower left. My sweater had been ripped open as well, and I saw it. I saw the enormous gash left behind by that knife. My skin had torn entirely. It wasn't a clean cut, it looked like a chainsaw had tried to rip me up. I saw blood being pumped out of it with each agonizing breath I took. It was severe. I was sure he'd hit something he wasn't supposed to, but I didn't know what.

I couldn't use a tourniquet. I could only wrap my arms around myself while Josh got out the items needed to stitch up such a deep and serious injury. At that moment, right when he was about to clean me off, the doorbell rang and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He decided that covering up his own tracks was more important than my life, so I took it upon myself to take the wet cloth he had left behind and try to wipe away as much blood as I could. It was hard to do, considering the pain was too intense to get up or even move around.

Thankfully for him, I had been in his bedroom when all this happened, so whoever was at the door wouldn't see me or what he had done to me. I took that chance to do this all myself. I could never describe how absolutely painful it was messing around with a gash longer than my belly, but somehow I managed. I unfurled my arms and used a sewing needle to poke hole after hole around the edges of the injury, drawing a thin metal wire through each one until it looked like an amateur doctor had tried to patch me up but did a miserable job. But hey, I thought it was pretty good given the circumstances under which I had to do it. I tightened it as much as I could without making myself pass out from the sheer agony of it all.

After I was done with the stitching part of it, I had to force myself up to wrap bandages and gauze around myself to help catch any blood that would still seep through my poor stitching job. I had to change out those bandages six times total before I could go back home. We washed the sweater and I blamed the rip in it on a sharp rock that I'd tripped over. I refused to let them see the "nothing much, just a little cut" under my bandages, which thankfully the shirt still managed to cover just enough to escape detection.

I was lucky to have lived through that. Or at least, I was lucky in other people's eyes. In my eyes it was a curse. I wanted to die back then, but images of a horrified Dipper flashed through my mind, and I decided against letting myself bleed to death.

That was when I realized that Josh would _not_ think twice about killing me.

I turned on the shower, my mind practically a blank slate with a single drop of red in the center. That red didn't splatter, didn't roll down, and didn't seep one way or another. It merely sat there, watching me, mocking me, saying I couldn't do anything. And it was right. I couldn't do anything.

I stepped in the shower; instead of bathing myself or washing my hair, I slumped down all the way to the floor.

I could do absolutely nothing against Josh.

I let the water patter against my skin, feeling numerous droplets become weighty and roll off me.

That didn't mean I couldn't do anything against myself.

I reached up and absentmindedly began wiping away the remainder of my inch-thick makeup, smearing the mascara around in the process. It burned my eyes. I didn't notice and even if I had noticed, I wouldn't have cared.

All I had to do was plug the drain.

The dot smiled at me, finally proud that I was discovering such an obvious way out.

The water would fill up in the tub. I could wait ever-so-patiently for that to happen.

One of my hands twirled a thin lock of my messy, tangled hair.

Once filled, I could dunk myself under.

The tiniest of smiles played across my lips.

My lungs would burn, scream, and panic.

Despite the smile I bit my lip.

Then I would be free.

**A/N**

**I have no excuses for the slow update. But trust me when I say I _am_** **sorry for it. :( **


	15. Chapter 15

~Chapter 15~

**(Mabel's POV)**

No, I had decided. I didn't want to die. Not that way. If I was going to die, I would much rather die with my clothes on. A wet death was fine but a naked death? Egh...talk about a way to go...

But blood... Now that would fall under the category of wet, right? Yes. And I didn't mind a bloody death.

The problem was... I tried so hard... I-I just... I couldn't do it. I held the knife; it was lingering right above my wrist. All I had to do was bring it down and jerk it sideways. I would severe the vein and die within minutes. Would it be painful? Well let's think about that, shall we? I'm slitting my wrist open and breaking multiple blood vessels and nerves. So um...yes, it would probably be very painful. Was it worth it? YES...

So why couldn't I bring the knife down? I would _butcher_ my wrist, or even both of them and my neck if I had to, in order to just. Die. I didn't care how much bloodshed there would be, I didn't care if I looked like I was put through a tree shredder! I just wanted to die!

...So why couldn't I? I had the equipment, determination, and all the will I needed to kill myself.

Dipper. Why? Why did he always stand in my way? An extremely selfish part of me wanted him to get involved in the mess I got myself into. But I knew better. For his sake, this would stay a secret. It would stay a secret for as long as humanly...no, as _Mabel_-y possible. Because I'd already last longer than just "humanly". I was going down eventually, I just had to accept that, but I had no desire to let my brother go down with me. If I was dead, he would have nothing and no one to protect. What motive, at that point, would have to go after Josh? He wasn't one for revenge. He was one of the most logical people I knew, and therefore he would know that going after Josh wasn't going to change anything. In fact, if he went to challenge him and lost...

I felt a slight chill go down my spine. That was the very outcome I was trying to avoid.

I finally stopped warring with myself and set the knife down on the counter. I couldn't do it... I couldn't die... If given the chance, I would go for it without second thoughts, without any regrets, and without any hesitation whatsoever. But Dipper kept me from that chance, so I didn't have one. And I knew that if something wasn't done, I would never have that chance.

"Hey, Mabel?" I heard said brother call out to me.

I immediately ran out of the kitchen, right in time to meet him in the living room.

"That new episode of Tiger Fist is on. Care to watch?" he asked.

By habit, I eyed him. I searched his face, especially his eyes, for a hint of doubt. After a moment, I decided that there was none, and smiled warmly, just like my old self used to.

"Sure. What's the episode called?" I asked as I sat in the chair with him.

He pressed the info button on the remote. "Um, 'When It Went Wrong'. Geez, kind of depressing title for an action show..."

Ironically enough.

"But we repaired him with a fist. TIGER FIST!" said the TV as the opening ended, preceding the new episode Dipper had been dying to see.

At least the tiger was repaired, and the damage healed. I sighed. Same couldn't be said for me. Oooohhhh, I wanted to tell Dipper so badly...! But I couldn't, and I knew that. I had to use logic here, common sense. Did I _really_ want to attend my brother's funeral, if I wasn't already at my own? Of course not! He couldn't know, but I wanted him to know. _He_ would want to know. And after everything he had seen, he deserved to know. But he didn't deserve Josh, and that was enough to hold me back for however long it took...to...t-to steer him away...

I knew it was wrong to leave and I knew it was a bad idea. It would arouse some suspicion...but not as much as if I was seen crying. I pulled myself out from between Dipper and the chair and tried my best to keep an even expression as I walked past him to the corridor that would lead to the hallway, which would ultimately lead to the attic. I could curl up underneath my sheets and let everything out...silently, as usual.

One boy.

Three years.

A thousand beatings.

Was all it took to break me.

I had reached the entryway and the moment my foot touched the invisible line that divided the living room and the hallway, I was stopped by Dipper's curious and rather confused voice.

"Mabel, why are you leaving?" he asked.

No doubt; and if there was any, I didn't hear it.

Tears were pricking my eyes and I tried to squash them down. My throat felt like a python had wrapped around it. I couldn't turn around to face him and I couldn't trust my voice. Any gestures I made would look retarded when I was facing the opposite direction. In short, responding to him was impossible at the moment.

"Don't leave," he begged. "You spend all your time with Josh and I hardly get to see you anymore. We've been looking forward to the new episode of Tiger Fist for a long time now."

I opened my mouth, but couldn't speak. I tried to choke down the growing knot that blocked out my words. I could only succeed in making tiny noises that sounded a lot like, "Ek...kek..."

I had no other choice. I would have to face him. I could then make gestures, fake expressions, and maybe even hum a little.

I turned around. His eyes were pleading. My eyes were longing. He was silently begging me to stay with him, just to spend time with him like we used to, even if it was only watching TV together. I was completely masking it behind an enormous, hundred-ton concrete wall, but I was silently wanting to run up to him, to tell him everything and show him all the bruises I wasn't proud of. I secretly wanted him to know how much damage my body had sustained over all these years, the actual extent of what Josh did. I wanted to give him a small glimpse of what went on behind my boyfriend's closed doors. But most of all, I wanted him to be my escape from the hellish nightmare I lived. He could be my sanctuary if I knew for sure that he wouldn't chance Josh. I did that several times...and look at what happened to me...

I ran a hand smoothly over my stomach, feeling even through my sweater the sickening dip of my most horrifying scar. It was jagged and uneven from both the way Josh cut me and pathetic stitching. It was made a constant reminder of what he could, and _would,_ do.

Oh...my brother... I wanted to tell him everything so badly. I wanted him to make me feel safe even though we both knew I wouldn't be.

The awful silence continued to linger until Dipper broke it with, "Please, Mabel?"

I held back a sigh. The tears were being kept in check, so... I decided it wouldn't hurt too much to try out my voice. Hopefully it wouldn't betray me and the act I had worked so hard to put on.

"I..." I paused to clear my throat, feeling the strain on my throat and knowing that Dipper could've heard it. "I, um..." I stopped and cleared my throat again. Speaking wasn't easy, granted, but at least it could be done now.

I could speak...but I couldn't communicate. To communicate would be to let someone inside. To let someone inside would be to show them my pain. To show them my pain was to let them know how horribly I was bleeding. And to let them see how horribly I was bleeding would be to let them watch my heart slowly melt away into the nothingness that would eventually claim me. All that by communication; I just didn't have it in me.

"I-I don't...really...um..." I cleared my throat once more, trying my level best to keep the awful lump in my throat down and relax the muscles that were struggling to keep proper speech. "I just... I don't really think it's such...such a great idea, and-"

I quietly gasped. Why did I just tell him it wasn't a good idea to stay and watch Tiger Fist with him? My facade was crumbling down. It had been all along, but now it was like my entire fate was sealed with the one slip up I had just made. Apparently one tiny mistake was all it took... OH FOR THE LOVE OF-! This wasn't one tiny mistake! This was huge! If Dipper really did decide it was better to confront Josh about this...! I couldn't say what would happen to him but I sure didn't want to know.

"Mabel?" Dipper said, his voice now full of concern rather than curiosity. "What's going on...?"

I tried to swallow but this time the lump wouldn't and couldn't be held down and instead moved upwards, completely block out my throat. Anything I said now, if allowed to say anything at all, would come out in tiny, small squeaks. I would sound like a talking mouse.

"Mabel..." This time his voice held a strong hint of warning to it. It was still laced heavily with concern, but I was sure I caught a small whiff of worry thrown in there.

So worry, warning, and concern... He was going to find out. Thanks to Tiger Fist, he was going to find out. I didn't want him to find out. I kept repeating that over and over but it was because I sincerely cared about my brother and I just couldn't bear the thought of what Josh could do to him...

But...but here was my chance. Not my chance to die, but my chance to tell him. I could so easily guarantee that he was now suspecting this had to do heavily with Josh, but that was a good thing for my selfish part. It was worse, though, because even my selfish part was starting to shake its head and go back on what it wanted. So in essence, it was good and bad. And now the good was rapidly turning into bad. I was actually getting myself a little confused here, what with the good and bad. If the good was becoming bad, then what would fill in the void where the good once was?

Dipper.

He was it. He was the one who would try to fill every void in me. He wanted to stay complete and not feel so worthless. He wanted to show me that I was worth the world to him, that I was his invaluable sister who he wouldn't trade for his life. What a great way to feel about that, having lied straight to his face for so long...

"Is this about Josh, Mabel?" he continued.

YES! YES, IT IS, BUT DON'T SAY THAT...!

I tried to clear my throat in a last-ditch attempt to force down the lump. I couldn't do it. That lump wasn't going anywhere and my silence was going to give him the truth he wanted.

...

I didn't want to lie anymore...

Not to Dipper.

Not to anyone.

Not ever again.

**A/N**

**This story is nearing its end, everyone. Being a challenge story, I couldn't take your ideas. But I hope you've enjoyed this ride so far nevertheless. I hope it's made you cry simply because that's what I was aiming for. I hope that the emotions put into this story have reached you. And more importantly, I hope you understood it all. :P **

**So, guys, this is one of the end chapters. There isn't too much left to the story BUT it'll go out with a bang. I won't tell you if this story has a happy ending or not. I WILL, however, tell you not to get your hopes up for a happy ending. Remember that this story was supposed to be one of (if not THE) most angsty and heartbreaking story on fanfiction. **

**I hope that by the end, I'll have succeeded in doing/making just that.**


	16. Chapter 16

~Chapter 16~

**(Mabel's POV)**

"Mabel, tell me this isn't about Josh; tell me you haven't been lying to me this entire time _even_ after you said you weren't going to!" Dipper pressed.

My throat tightened for a brief moment, then relaxed. The lump seemed to simply dissolve into nothing. And I swear, I must've been drunk again at the time because...

"Yes," I responded.

Dipper grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, obviously not caring whether Tiger Fist was on or not. His sole focus was me. I knew immediately that this was going to be one conversation that I wouldn't like, but one that was all too necessary to have.

My brother ran one hand through his hair while the other threw the remote on the chair and hung dormant at his side.

"Why?" he mumbled. "Why didn't you just...?" He raised his voice enough for me to hear. "You shouldn't have lied. All this time I thought he was finally being nice to you. But no, apparently not! Apparently, this whole time, you've still been suffering day in and day out and didn't let on at all. Nice, Mabel, real nice; I'm your brother, I've seen everything, I held to my promise about not getting involved...and you still lied to me. Why?"

I absentmindedly began dragging a finger down my arm.

"I-I just... I didn't want to tell you because if you decided to that 'enough was enough' and went to Josh about this... Dipper, I have my reasons! I don't want anything to happen to you!" I hissed. "Otherwise, trust me, I would've told you the first time he hit me!"

He pointed an accusing finger at me. "Don't turn this on me. I kept my promise, just like you wanted me to! I did it because I knew you were worried and wanted to protect me. I didn't want to cause you more stress than what you go through every day. You wouldn't have to worry about me going to him, okay?! How much longer do you plan on lying to my face?"

I looked away and blinked away a few tears. "I didn't want to! I wanted to tell you for a long time, I swear! I just...I don't know, Dipper... I just didn't have it in me..."

At that, Dipper growled in frustration. "You lied to me, Mabel! All this time! I did what you told me to. I kept your secret. I didn't go up to Josh. I acted like I didn't know anything. Why? Because I knew that would make it worse for you. You told me so yourself! I mean, then, and I..." He took a breath. "If I got _amnesia_, the image of your back would still stick. I didn't want that to happen again. You know what you're doing with him more than I do, that much I'll admit. Do I like it? Absolutely not. I want it to end. Now. But you keep telling me there's no way out. For a few weeks, I- Wait."

I stiffened, wondering if he knew about my suicidal plans.

With a look of confusion, he plowed on. "Was that the reason you kept coming home drunk?"

I shook my head. "He drinks alcohol and he wants me to drink with him sometimes, so I do it."

"Is it because he'll get mad at you if you don't?" my brother asked softly.

I nodded. "He's controlling. He doesn't like it when I go against him."

"And you don't try to weasel out of it?"

"I have, plenty of times, but it never works. I've even tried running out of his house before just to get away but I can't because he has too many locks on his door. He would catch me before I could undo all the locks."

And then he would beat me into submission. He didn't need to anymore, but I assumed he still beat me because...um...well...maybe dominance issues? I wasn't sure, but there had to be some reason; I had to be doing something wrong.

Dipper suddenly began a rant, both at me and at himself. I didn't try to listen to what he was saying, already knowing most of it would end up hurting me.

All the while I kept having flashbacks of all the pain brought onto me simply by saying the wrong things. Every time I argued with Josh, he... He did stuff. One of them, for instance, was the cause of the huge, repulsive scar on my abdomen.

I toyed with the hem of my shirt. If...if only Dipper could see it... If only he could realize what I really went through, the actual extent of the damage inflicted... H-He would freak out and I didn't know what would happen...! I only knew it would be bad and I didn't want anything to happen to my brother. My chances of getting away from Josh were slim to none; I was a goner anyway but was forced to suffer and wait through it until I was finally set free by a means which Dipper would hate.

"Dipper..." I whispered in a shaky, broken voice. "I was only trying to protect you... You have no idea, Dipper! YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I'm trying to protect you because he's capable of so much more than you'll ever realize! Try to imagine the worst he can do to me while letting me live!"

My brother was stunned into complete silence. I could tell that somewhere deep in his mind, he was following my orders to conjure up some kind of image. Probably one that he didn't want... But there were some things that he needed to stay away from and one of those things was my relationship with Josh. He had to realize that it was a bad thing to get involved. No matter what it took, even if it was at the expense of my own life, I would shield my brother. I loved him too much to let Josh get his hands on him.

"I don't want to think about that stuff, Mabel, I-"

I cut him off immediately by jerking off my shirt. I didn't care if he saw me shirtless. My scars were needed this time. In a twisted way, I was glad they were there. They had just become my trump card. Dipper might as well have had a muzzle put over his mouth.

He stared at my scars, looking at each one individually...until he finally chose to stop avoiding the biggest, most horrifying one of them all. He didn't act disgusted like I was sure he would. He actually dropped to his knees and hesitantly trailed a finger along it, as if he had to use the sense of touch to assure himself that it was in fact real.

"Stay away from Josh," I breathed.

"M-Mabel...you...you're..." He stopped for a moment or two and continued. "Y-You're covered all over in these... I just... Wh-What happened to you...? A-And what is this big one? Where did it come from? How do you make a scar that big? I-I mean...just...how?"

"A big knife," I quietly replied.

"What...?"

"Long story short, he drove a big knife in me an-"

"Wait. No. I want you to tell me that whole story, Mabel. And don't lie. I think I deserve at least one truth after being fed all those lies. _And_ after starting to forgive Josh..." he said. Commandingly, I might add.

I didn't want to but Dipper was right... He did deserve something truthful from me after all the time I'd betrayed him by lying. And I was so, _so_ tired of lying to him...

I began explaining beginning to end about how Josh held the knife as a weapon of threat, and how it swiftly turned into a weapon of serious danger. I told him how I jumped up before he could strike me, but only provided a different opening. I told him how he accidentally stabbed me in my stomach and how the knife, thanks to my own movements, had sliced into me, creating the scar seen today. I explained the part about him trying to patch me up but having to answer the door instead, so I had to do it myself. That was why the scar was jagged on the very edges. I was no doctor and did a very poor job of stitching myself up.

And at the end his face had turned red with utter fury. There was something new in his eyes now, something I had never seen before. I really hoped that whatever it was, it wasn't because of me. Or better yet, it wasn't directed _at_ me.

"This has gone on long enough," he growled.

I immediately pulled his biceps and forced him to look at me.

"No, Dipper! I showed you these scars and told you that story because I wanted to to stay away from Josh, not be an idiot and go after him!"

"Mabel-!"

"This is why I couldn't tell you the truth! Do you have any idea what you'll put yourself through? And if you don't care about yourself, if you only care about me, then do you have any idea what I'll be put through? He almost killed me with that knife, Dipper! Who's to say he won't do it again? And this time he'll have a motive for it!"

I stopped pulling on him and he didn't protest.

"He's psychotic!" I continued.

"Why can't you just tell someone? He won't know. What, did he bug the shack or something?" he said.

I narrowed my eyes. "Tell someone else? Are you crazy? After the reaction I just got from you? And you're serious about me telling someone _else_?"

"Why can't you just accept that there are people who can help if you're willing to let them? Didn't you ever stop to think that we deserved to know this the moment it started?" he asked. "And what about me, huh? Do you have any idea what it was like for me thinking I was being a good brother by not constantly pestering you about your boyfriend, only to find out that my sister is in a relationship so bad she didn't trust me enough to tell me? How do you think that makes _me_ feel, Mabel? I'm your brother; I'm supposed to look out for you and this whole time I've just been standing back smiling as you went to Josh to do what, Mabel?"

I didn't answer him.

"To do what? What happens every time you go back to his house? I need to hear this from you," he said.

I got hit, beaten. Stabbed once. Almost got ran over twice, but both times were accidental. I got chained outside sometimes. Just...a bunch of things, really. Too many to count. I couldn't tell Dipper any one thing since it never occurred every one time. This boy just didn't get it... And here he wondered why I never told him the truth! Did he think I liked lying to him? Did he think I was doing this for fun? Well was it fun being in the kind of relationship I was in? So what made him think I liked hiding this from anyone? I knew people could help. I knew they would want to. The problem was me. Literally. I wasn't willing to risk anyone's life at, all things considered, a selfish expense. A life to a bruise, which was worse? The answer was pretty obvious to me but I knew Dipper wouldn't see it like that. Maybe he thought I was being stupid and immature, but if that was what it took to get it through his head that I wouldn't let him help, then...

Wait. Wait, wait a minute! I would play the truth card and let him have it, give it everything I had into my next few words.

I grabbed his shirt collar.

"Dipper," I said. "You need to get this through your head or I'll do it for you. If you ever try to intervene, I _will_ die. There are lots of ways to die. None of the ones I'm thinking of are by Josh, understand?"

My brother's face paled and for a few moments he held his breath, looking at me in pure shock. He didn't want me to commit suicide.

Checkmate.

**A/N**

**Sorry for the slow updates. By now I can almost guarantee another slow update because this story is getting harder and harder to write. Nevertheless, I'm trying to stay my usual around 2,000 or more words. Hope that counts for something.**

**And again, sorry about all the hiatuses.**

**But if I may say one last thing, reviews are always so much appreciated and they make me really happy. I was able to finish this chapter only because I looked back at the reviews and it gave me a jolt of drive to continue on, so please, for sake of this story and my own motivation to write it, review. **


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